


I Want to Hate You Half As Much As I Hate Myself

by chewxonxtinfoil



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-13
Updated: 2012-07-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 15:13:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/432540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chewxonxtinfoil/pseuds/chewxonxtinfoil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pete never thought he'd be subjected to taking part in a monogomus relationship. That is until he meet's Patrick, who despite everyone's warning to stay away from him, fall's for the "school whore." What happens when Pete makes the biggest mistake of his life?</p>
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	1. I Found The Cure to Growing Older

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm, so, there will be an alternative ending to mend your broken souls, so shhhh just read it. 
> 
>  
> 
> [Playlist](http://archiveofourown.org/works/455679)  
> [Trailer](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHYlnFQM2-Y&list=UUXtdFCnN8j-cmzxRGIHQhFg&index=3&feature=plcp)

Part I

Pete rolled out of bed, being careful not to disturb the boy next to him. He picked his scattered clothes off the floor, pulling on his boxers first. His jeans followed, and he didn't care enough to pull on his shirt. He heard the boy in bed talking in his sleep. His messy hair shielded his face.

Pete opened the bedroom door and slipped out. He stopped in the hallway to check his reflection in a mirror, and quickly fixed his tangled hair, taking note of the trail of hickeys trailing down the right side of his neck and onto his shoulder blade. Bite marks were evident on that same side, some dried blood brought a few memories back from the night before.

His fingers grazed across the bruises for a brief second, his expression stony. He slipped his shirt over his head, no longer enjoying the sight of his bruised shoulder, and continued down the hall, seeing pictures in frames on small tables and framed on walls. He finally got a good look at the man, deciding he was one of the better looking ones.

He slowly pulled on his black high tops, carefully lacing them, stayed seated on the carpet next to the door, listening to the soft snoring. When there was a soft rustling, and his name was called out, he took it as his cue to leave quietly.

He passed a few approachable guys while leaving the apartment complex, some showing interest while some didn't.

Pete dug into his jean pocket, trying to fish out his car key that wasn't there. "Shit," he muttered to himself. He left his car at the bar. The bar was two miles away, and his hangover protested at the idea of walking.

His phone was still in his pocket, so he pulled it out and punched in a number. "Hello?" He heard a groggy voice answer on the other end.

"Brendon, I need a ride." He perched himself down on the apartment stairs.

"Again?" Brendon groaned. "Where did you find yourself, this time?"

"Uh," he looks at the street signs. "I think I am on Fifth and Harbor."

"Fine, I'll come get you." Brendon grumbled into his phone before hanging up.

Pete felt his pocket, seeing if there were any cigarettes in there, and to his luck, there was. He took one out of the package, and lit it with his green lighter. He inhaled the smoke, slowly exhaling it at a couple passing by. He chuckled lightly when they turned to glare at them, sarcastically muttering something about the happy couple.

Pete sucked on the cancer stick until Brendon pulled into the parking lot, peeking his head out the window and yelling for Pete.

Pete got on his feet, throwing the butt of his cigarette on the pavement and crushing it with his shoe. He sauntered over to the passenger seat, running his hands through his hair as he got in. He ignored the glares from Brendon as the drove off.

Brendon finally broke the silence, "You need to go back to the bar, right?"

"Yeah," Pete mumbled. Brendon always made him feel promiscuous about his flings, which is something no one except him could do. He was like a motherly figure, always there to help even if he did not want to. Brendon had helped him out so many times it amazed Pete.

Brendon lightly tapped on the wheel as they pulled into the parking lot of the grimy bar Pete frequently visited. Pete climbed out silently, not saying anything to Brendon because of the sick feeling he had from the hang over.

He went inside the bar, immediately being greeted by the other frequent customers. "Lost your keys, again?" The bartender asked as he dangled the metal ring holder from his fingers, a condescending smirk on his face.

Pete muttered a "Fuck you," before grabbing the keys and rushing out the door.

~*~

Pete sat in the back of this lecture, hoping no one notice him silently day dreaming. He would have to copy notes from someone else, but he didn't care. It was practically routine by now.

The class ended, and he didn't notice until someone called his name. "Pete?" A voice rang out. His head hurt, his hang over still swinging at noon.

"What," he groaned and looked up to see a somewhat familiar face. It was boy he hooked up with last week. (The on with the foot fetish. Ew.) He would have recognized him quicker without clothing.

"I was wondering why you never called me back." He asked timidly.

"Oh, I lost your number." Pete replied, darting out of the room as fast as he could. He left the heartbroken boy, alone in the big empty room.

~*~

Pete scrolled through his endless contact list, finally finding Brendon.

_I need your notes for the lecture._

He flipped his phone closed, only to have it ring again signaling Brendon's reply.

_Day dreaming again?_

He sighed, deciding he didn't even want to bother replying. He would just find someone else to copy from.

But, surely the phone rang.

_You can pick up my notes later today._

Pete smiled to himself, knowing his mistake for doubting Brendon. "Thank God for Brendon," he whispered to himself.

~*~

Pete found himself at Brendon's door, knocking after hearing voices inside.

"Ryan, that is Pete. Quiet, or he'll hear you." He heard Brendon say. He opened the door with a faux look of innocence.

"Either you two were fucking or talking about me fucking." He said, mostly to Ryan because he knew his opinion of him. "And I am thinking it is the second, because you are both fully dressed."

Ryan rolled his amber eyes, stalking into the kitchen and pulling Brendon alone with him. "What is he doing here? This was supposed to be Pete free night, just you and me." He whispered as Pete scanned across the desk in the corner with all the notes he needed. He grabbed the paper with messy scribbling, but stood there. He wanted to listen as to what Ryan had to say about him.

Brendon sighed. "Ryan, he needs my help sometimes. I'm pretty much his only friend, considering he pissed off all his others in some way or another. I can't just turn him away. Besides, he's just here to pick up some notes from class. He's not staying."

"Brendon," Ryan hissed in reply. "He has some serious problems. I just don't want him to hurt you or come between us."

"Ryan, you're paranoid." Brendon laughed lightly and uneasily.

~*~

Pete found himself back at the bar that night.

He sat down at the counter, sipping his drink. He barely noticed it when someone sat down.

He looked up and saw someone familiar sitting next to him. Not familiar as in slept together, but more like someone from the college.

"Hey," he said shyly. "You you're in Mrs. Thompson's music theory class, right?" He brushed some strawberry blond hair out of his face.

"Uh, yeah." Pete replied, taking a liking to him but not enough to get flirty just yet. "I'm Pete."

"I'm Patrick," he replied while sticking out his hand. Pete smirked and shook it reluctantly, slowly turning back to his drink.

Patrick sat quietly next to him, not sure what to say next. He felt uncomfortable, assuming he had come off weirdly by Pete's reluctantness. He looked over at Pete, noticing how his bangs fell over his face. He thought Pete was cute. He had seen Pete around school a few times, not sure if he should walk up to him and introduce himself and ask him out.

Pete continued to stare at the bottle, before getting bored with the label. "What year are you in?" He asked, a little loudly because the noise in the bar had picked up.

"Uh, I'm in my second year here." Patrick said a little unsure. He questioned his every little move, not sure if Pete found him unbearably annoying or attractive.

"Third." He set his chin on the palm of his hand, his elbow on the wood of the counter. "I'm majoring in music appreciation. I want to be in a band."

"Really? Cool. I'm into music too." He relaxed a bit with more beer down his throat. He started to slouch more, his posture worsening by the drink.

Pete noticed. He noticed his worsening posture and behavior, and soon placed a hand on Patrick's thigh. Patrick jumped a little, and Pete only laughed, assuming he wasn't used to this kind of thing.

"Relax," Pete purred. He leaned down and rested his head on his shoulder, he could tell what to do if he wanted to get in bed with this guy. He had to play the 'innocent' card. He had to pretend to care, to pretend there was no ulterior intentions in these moves.

~*~  
The next morning, Patrick woke up to a half empty bed, a room smelling of sweat and sex, and everything a disheveled mess. He sat up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and stepped out of bed. It wasn't until he felt a cold chill that he realized his clothes were gone, and it wasn't until he tried to walk, that the quite literal pain in his ass caused the remembrance of last nights actions to come flooding back into his memory.

_Pete lifted his head from Patrick's shoulder, and placing his finger under his chin, and gently turned his face, so his eyes could meet his gaze._

_"You have nice eyes." Pete nearly whispered, his other hand still on the younger boy's thigh._

_Patrick flushed and looked down._

_"Uh, thank you." he mumbled._

_"Mhm." Pete responded, inching his hand up ever so slightly. "Can I buy you a drink?"_

_Patrick gulped. "Sure. Thanks." he mumbled, cheeks bright pink._

_"Why is this boy making me so nervous?" Patrick thought. "Oh wait. Probably because his hand is continuously inching up my leg, he's incredibly good looking, and he seems to be interested, which is strange, considering his social status." Patrick continued to think to himself as he sipped his drink._

_What Patrick didn't know was that Pete's "social status" was all an allusion. Sure he had a lot of "partners" and was never home alone on Friday nights. And sure everyone seemed to know who he was, but he didn't have many real friends. He had Brendon, and that was about it, considering Ryan's hatred towards him._

_Sure people knew who he was, but that didn't mean people liked who he was. He was a good fuck. That's how they saw him, which was fine, because that's how he saw most of them too._

_"Seriously though, your eyes are gorgeous, sexy, beautiful..." Pete whispered into his ear._

_Patrick wasn't sure how to respond. It was obvious this boy wanted to go somewhere, have meaningless sex or whatever, but Patrick had never done anything like that. He'd never gone and just had a hookup, or even sex at all._

_Though that's not something he'd want to admit. In college and he's still a virgin? Definitely not something he'd want people to know. It's not like he's that much of a loser or anything, he's not even saving himself for marriage or "that one special person." he's just been socially awkward his entire life. He's had girlfriends, boyfriends once he figured out he was gay, but things just never seemed to progress enough. At first he wanted his first time to be special, but now he realizes that it doesn't even matter and he just wants to get it over with. He doesn't need some fickle little romantic fairly tale virginity loss. (He tells himself)_

_"So, do you want to go somewhere maybe?" Pete mumbled, tubing circles on his thigh._

_He doesn't know what made him say yes. Whether it was the boys eyes, his seductive tone, or natural charisma, but he agreed._

_"We can go to my place." Patrick said._

_The older boy smirked, gulped down the rest of his beer, and grabbed Patrick's hand._

_"Let's hit it then." he said, leading him out the bar._

_It wad a short ride to Patrick's apartment, then a hurried walk through the door. The moment the door closed, it was lips and hips pressed together. Soon enough, clothes were strewn everywhere, and Pete got laid like everyone knew he would, because he always does._

Patrick glanced at the clock and realized he was late for class.

~*~

Pete sat in his music appreciation class, spacing out, as usual. The class began, and he was still thinking about the previous night. That cute innocent boy with the beautiful blue eyes, and the strawberry blond features. He was so obviously a virgin, yet somehow, so... good.

Should Pete feel bad for deflowering the poor boy and just leaving him before he even woke up?

Something in the back of his mind told him he should, but he ignored it as usual. The kid had to have known who Pete was; his reputation. The kid could have said no. He had to have known what he was getting himself into. There's no reason for Pete to feel guilty.

So he told himself.

Pete was snapped from his thoughts when familiar blue eyes rushed into the classroom, late, and scanned the place for an available seat.

The only empty seat was right next to Pete. He pulled his bag off the table and gave the boy a smirk.

A look of realization washed over the boys features before he flushed a deep red and took the seat next to Pete.

"Hey." Pete whispered to him. It was odd, Pete didn't usually strike up a conversation with his past hook-ups, but this boy was just too cute.

"Hey." Patrick muttered back, not meeting his eyes.

"Do you have yesterdays notes?" Pete whispered in his ear.

"Uh, yeah." Patrick said as he began to look through his binder. After about a minute of looking he stopped and sighed. "I think I left them on my desk at home. Sorry." he said

"It's cool." Pete said, slightly disappointed. He had hoped to start an actual conversation. He didn't need fucking notes. He already had Brendon's.

He was hoping Patrick would invite him back to his apartment for some heated note searching time.

The class ended and Patrick began to pack up his stuff.

"Hey." Pete said. Patrick stopped and looked at him.

Pete handed him a slip of paper with his name and number on it.

"Call me sometime." he said with a wink. Patrick took it, and before he could respond, or even react, Pete was gone.

~*~

"Hey Trick, Where were you last night? I tried calling but you didn't pick up." Ryan catching up to him as he walked towards the library.

"I went out." Patrick said. "I needed a break from the stress."

"Oh I see. I would have invited you over or something, but Brendon surprised me with a fancy dinner and a movie for our anniversary. That boy is so cheesy. But it's sweet." Ryan explained.

"It's okay." Patrick laughed. "I just went out for a drink and stuff." he said leaving out the part about meeting Pete, and the events following.

"Phew. Sounds intense." Ryan said with a sarcastic grin.

Patrick rolled his eyes.

"Did you meet anyone? Perhaps finally loose your virginity?" Ryan said in a mocking tone.

Rather then glare at Ryan for his remark like he would have usually done, he flushed a bit and kept his eyes on the ground. Patrick was never really good at hiding things.

Ryan's eyes widened. It didn't help that he could read his best friend like a book.

"Oh my God, you slut! Who was it?! Oh my god. You finally lost it. Was it just a hookup or do you have a boyfriend now? Is he cute? You weren't drunk were you? Because then I'd have to kick some ass for taking advantage of you. Oh my god you have to tell me everything!" Ryan exclaimed grabbing him by the shoulders.

"Will you stop acting like a teenage girl?" Patrick said, pushing him off.

"Sorry, but come on. This is exciting. Can you tell me everything please?" he said, stopping him outside the library.

"Fine." Patrick said. "It's not that exciting though."

"The hell it's not. Spill."

"Fine. We met at the bar. He was being all flirty and bought me a drink, then asked if I wanted to go somewhere, so I brought him back to my apartment , and yeah. He was gone before I woke up." Patrick explained vaguely.

"Oh man. What a loser. Who was it anyway? Do I know him?" Ryan asked.

"Um. You might know of him. He's this kid from my music appreciation class. Pete Wentz I think." Ryan said, trying to recall the boy's name.

Ryan's eyes widened. "What?! You hooked up with Pete Wentz?!" he exclaimed.

Patrick shushed him. "A little louder. I don't think the entire campus heard you." he said.

"You slept with fucking Pete Wentz! Hell, you let him take you virginity!" Ryan exclaimed, slightly quieter.

"Why is this such a big deal?" Patrick asked.

"I fucking hate that guy! He's such a man whore and a loser! And he just took my best friends virginity!"

"Do you actually know him?" Patrick asked, somewhat defensively.

"Yes as a matter of fact, I do. He's Brendon's best friend, and he's like always coming over to leach off Brendon, and... I just can't stand him." Ryan said.

Patrick sighed. So _this_ was the one Ryan was always complaining about. He didn't see anything wrong with him though. Okay, so he had loose morals, but that didn't make him a bad guy right?

The piece of paper was burning a hole in his pocket.

"Patrick, I just don't want to see you get hurt. He'll use you until he gets bored then he'll just leave you alone and a broken mess. I don't want that to happen to you." Ryan said, calmer now.

"I can take care of myself." Patrick said.

Ryan nodded, "I know. I'm sorry. But that doesn't make me hate him any less. Just... I think you should stay away from him." Ryan said.

Patrick nodded.

"Okay."

~*~

Patrick sat on his bed, trying to focus on his textbook but it wasn't happening. His mind was racing with Ryan's words and images of Pete.

On his little bed side table, there was the small scrap of paper. The one that burned a hole in his pocket all day. The one Ryan told him he should burn to kill temptation. It was like Ryan thought the numbers were evil, they were satanistic, but they were actually just Pete.

Patrick still didn't understand Ryan's hatred.

Patrick, a bit over dramatically, stared at those numbers. He contemplated the idea in his head. Pete, he thought. _He 's probably out with someone else,_ He reminded himself bitterly.

But we all knew what would happen. How Patrick would pull out his cell phone, dial his number, find out Pete wasn't with anyone, and invite him over. We all knew that from the start. Because really, Patrick would do what he wanted to do and not what Ryan wanted him to.

Patrick changed out of the clothes he was wearing and into something a little more flattering. His best outfit clad his body, and he went into his small kitchen to find some beer he had back from New Years. He was only a drinker when he wanted to be, and he knew he wouldn't want to remember what was about to happen in the morning. What he really wanted was to be able to connect the dots, and just come up with some story about what happened.

Halfway through his first beer, Pete knocked on the door. Patrick nervously set down the bottle, checked himself in the mirror, and then opened the door.

Pete smirked before entering, knowing the causes of the sweat that laced Patrick's face and why he stuttered. "Hey," Pete greeted. "So how are you?" He asked, which shocked even Pete. He never small talked, he always went straight to the bedroom if the occasion happened that he slept with someone twice.

"O-okay, I guess." Patrick stuttered. He had become more at ease with his nervousness around Pete, so he didn't even correct himself. "How are you?"

"Pretty good," he chuckled. "Just had a few drinks with Brendon, but he bailed on me because he had to go help his boyfriend with something." He sauntered over to the kitchen counter and leaned against it, grabbing a beer.

Patrick knew what Brendon was helping his boyfriend with. Ryan was moving into Brendon's place. He had been talking about it that day, that is, after he went batshit and told Patrick to stay away from "the school whore."

With that, Patrick began to feel a sense of defiance, rebellion even, by just inviting Pete over. Ryan would have probably punched Pete by now, he hated him that much. Ryan was afraid of Pete, but not in the sense that Pete would beat up anyone, more because he slept with anyone and everyone. It was emotional, not physical, the idea of him hurting Brendon or Patrick. by sleeping with them.

Ryan was just that guardian angel, while Patrick was just the guy who would fuck the person he was never supposed to.

"So," Pete wrapped his arms around Patrick's waist after Patrick stood in front of him. "What will we do tonight, exactly?"

"Whatever you want," He replied with a smile. One of those 'fuck-you-Ryan-Ross' smiles.

~*~

Patrick woke up the next morning, feeling abut as bad as the one before that. He winced when he rolled over and felt a sharp pain. The pillow next to him had a note on top of it, _"See you in class"_ was written on it in quick and sloppy writing.

All Patrick did was smile.

~*~

"Hey Bren," Pete spoke into his phone. "Can you pick me up?"

Pete actually walked from the bar this time, he wasn't drunk which was amazing. He didn't get a ride from someone, he walked from the bar which was where his car and his keys were in his pocket this time. That was how much he liked Patrick, he actually fucking walked six blocks to meet up with him.

"Shit, man." Brendon chuckled from the other side of the line. "You get laid way too much. I won't be surprised when you get some kind of disease."

Pete rolled his eyes and stomped on his cigarette. "You just wish you got laid as much as me. Now can you pick me up? I'm on Seventeenth and Euclid."

"Whatever," Brendon muttered as always. Pete thought he heard someone saying something on the other line, and it sounded like Ryan.

Pete laughed lightly, knowing Brendon would be there in a matter of minutes even if it was with the boyfriend shooting daggers.

"Patrick," he mumbled, followed by an amused chuckle. He didn't know what was going on between them, but he liked it. He smiled to himself. It wasn't just that he liked Patrick in bed, it was more his nervous persona; the way he was always stuttering around him. Call him sadistic, but he loved watching the way he made Patrick squirm.

Brendon drove up the the curb Pete sat at, stepping on his cigarette before getting into the car with Brendon and Ryan inside.

Ryan had a look of pure concentration for a split second as he looked up from the book in his lap, and immediately bolted. "Son of a bitch," he muttered as he jumped out of the car. "I've gotta do something Bren, see you later." He yelled as he continued up the stairs of the apartment complex.

Brendon was confused, but drove off while making small talk with Pete.

Ryan found the door he was looking for, and knocked and knocked until someone answered.

"Ryan?" Patrick asked, in wonder and shock. "What are you doing here?"

"You idiot!" Ryan yelled, not caring who heard. "Are you brain dead or something? You slept with Pete _again?_ "

"Ry, calm down!" Patrick said. "Pete just wanted some notes for class."

Ryan almost believed him. But... Pete was a slut, to put it blatantly. "Liar. Were you drunk this time?"

Patrick rolled his eyes, "I refuse to answer that question."

But Ryan knew the question. Patrick did not show any signs of a hang over, he was not muttering or rubbing his temples or leaning against anything. "You little idiot," He muttered. "This is even worse. Now you are sleeping with Pete while you are sober."

"Ryan, you can't blame me. I had no fucking idea about Pete because you are always so busy with Brendon or refusing to talk about anything other Brendon. With you, it is just Brendon Brendon Brendon!"

Ryan narrowed his eyes, "Patrick." He gritted his teeth. "This is not about Brendon. I just don't want you to get hurt. I promised your mom I would look after you in college."

"I can take care of myself." Patrick grumbled through his teeth.

Ryan sighed and looked down and sighed in defeat. "I know," he said before exiting the apartment.


	2. Loose Lips Sink Ships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear God, this is a long one.

Part II

The sun peeking through the curtains is what woke Pete from his not so deep sleep. Next to him was a woman who was breathing deeply, still unconscious.

Pete doesn’t sleep with women too often. He classifies himself as “Bisexual” but prefers men. Last night he was in his usual hang out spot when a woman who was desperate for a rebound hook-up approached him. Pete downed a couple more drinks before accepting.

Walking into the woman’s apartment, he felt an uneasy-ness in his gut.

Kissing her lips felt wrong.

It could have just been because she was a woman. Maybe.

The reason he felt no need to continue through out the night also could have been because she was a woman.

Or it could have been because he wanted someone else.

He began to wonder what Patrick was doing.

He stopped himself.

He wanted the nervous inexperienced virgin over the desperate, needy, completely willing girl?

Was he becoming attached?

Fucking cliches.

Either way, Pete stayed and finished his service because he was bored, and Patrick was probably busy anyway.

So, in the morning, Pete quietly dressed himself and left the apartment.

~*~

“I hooked up with a chick last night.” Pete told his best friend over a drink.

“Glad to know you don’t limit yourself.” Brendon replied sarcastically.

“I didn’t like it.” he replied.

“Shocker.” Brendon retorted.

Pete scoffed. “You’re such an ass.” he said.

“No, I’d just rather not hear the details of your sex life.”

“Tough shit man. There’s like nothing else for me to talk about.” Pete said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Maybe that should tell you something.” Brendon said.

Pete rolled his eyes. “It’s weird man. I mean, the entire night I couldn’t stop thinking about that one kid, y'know?” he said.

“You mean Patrick? I’d stay away from him if I were you, or Ryan might finally have your head.” Brendon warned.

Pete scoffed. “Since when does Ryan care who I fuck?”

“Since you’re fucking his best friend.”

Pete’s amused smirk disappeared.

“Wait, Patrick is friends with Ryan? Shit. How come I’ve never met him before then?” Pete asked.

“Because Ryan hates even being in the same room with you. I thought you knew that.” Brendon said. “He’s not going to bring his best friend around so you can fuck with him.”

Pete scoffed again. “Come on, I’m not that bad.”

“Yes you are. You’re fucking him aren’t you?”

Pete sighed. “Whatever. Back to what I was saying. I was with the girl last night, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him, man. In fact, I haven’t been able to stop at all. It’s so weird.” Pete explained.

Brendon had the biggest smirk on his face.

“Oh my god. You have a crush on Patrick! How cute.” Brendon taunted.

Pete flushed slightly before responding. “I do not! I just… He has a weird effect on me.” Pete said.

“You said you were thinking about him while you were with someone else?” Brendon questioned.

“Yeah but, it could have just been my mind wondering because I was bored.”

“Or it could have been you thinking about him because you would rather be hanging out with Patrick, instead of fucking some desperate chick.” he said with a bit of a smirk.

“So I like him as a friend? So what?”

“Are you sure it’s just as a ‘friend.’?” Brendon questioned again, giving him the ‘I know you better then you know yourself’ look.

“Yes well, I think… Ugh. Damn it Brendon.”

“What?” he asked faux-defensively.

Pete sighed. “Look, fine. I do like him okay? But look at who you’re talking to. Look at my reputation. I haven’t had a real relationship since high-school. Why would he want to be with someone like me? What if I hurt him?”

“Look man, I know Patrick, he’s not going to hate you for being a whore. He’s a sweet guy, but he’s also easily hurt. The reason I’m not telling you to go after him is because if you hurt him, you’ll hurt Ryan, and Ryan will hurt you. Patrick is like his little brother. But I do think a relationship would be good for you.” Brendon lectured him.

“I guess I could try…” Pete said.

“Don’t go getting yourself killed please.”

“Brendon, can you help me with this whole relationship thing?” Pete asked.

“Are you _trying_ to get me in trouble with my boyfriend?” Brendon asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Come on. Please? If you help, this might actually work.” Pete pleaded.

Brendon sighed and rubbed his temples.

“Fine. But if anyone asks, I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I told you to stay away from him.” Brendon said, regretting the words as soon as they left is mouth.

Pete smiled. “Thanks man. You are, and always will be my best friend.”

“Stop being cheesy.” Brendon said. “And you’re welcome.

“Okay… so what now?” Pete prompted.

“Well, you should probably ask him out on a date.”

~*~

"So, you gonna ask out Patrick or not?" Brendon asked as Pete lit his cancer stick and shuffled his feet.

"I guess," He replied. He looked down at his feet, "I need new fuckin' shoes." He reached down and pulled at a piece of thread from the lace of his shoe.

"Those are you're lucky fucking shoes though." Brendon chuckled lightly. "Literally."

Pete just gives him the finger.

"Whatever, just hear me out, do not mention sex. That is going to make him feel uncomfortable and like you're only doing it to get something." Brendon started coaching Pete. "You need to act like nothing happened. Patrick is a sweet guy, I'm sure he will say yes as long as you don't fuck things up completely."

Pete nodded, despite the minor insult.. "Thanks, man. I'm not used to this kinda shit. I can't really remember the last time I was on a date."

Brendon shook his head, "Man, you're seriously something else."

They both finished their smoke between classes and waved goodbye. Pete went to History class while Brendon went to Literature.

~*~

Pete waved awkwardly at the shorter boy. Patrick waved back.

Pete cursed himself, he has never been this awkward in his whole fucking life. Why was he suddenly second guessing himself? No one knew except that small voice in his head. All he knew was that he liked how he felt around Patrick.

Pete didn't ask him out after class, he instead decided he would go to his apartment and ask him.

~*~

There was a knock at the door, and Patrick went to answer it.

He opened the door, Pete was standing there. "Hi," Patrick said.

"Hey," Pete said. He played with his hands. He tried to hide some hickies with his hoodie. He was actually trying. "I wanted to know if you, kinda, wanted to hang out?" He mumbled out quickly, it was a question because he didn't know if Patrick would say yes even though Patrick was the nicest guy ever (according to Brendon). He didn't even want to use the word 'date.' So he stood there, asked him quickly and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Sure."

~*~

Add that Patrick was just as nervous as Pete to this equation.

He kept fixing his hair, fixing his shirt, fixing anything about his appearance. He barely talked and thought over what he would order. _Oh God, Pete would think I was such a fat-ass if I ordered that._ He felt insecure. He wished they had gone to a movie instead.

He sipped his water. Pete glanced at the Patrick over the menu.

And to add to this, Patrick didn't know if Pete liked him anymore. Ryan had been bitching so much about Pete lately he was starting to believe him. _Pete probably doesn't like me anymore. This must be nothing but just friends hanging out._

He ended up ordering a salad and Pete forced him to order something else after that. "You have to order something else. I'm the one who wanted this dinner, and I insist that you eat to your hearts content."

So Patrick just ate some bread sticks and thought about whether or not they were on a date.

~*~

Patrick sat in the passenger seat, Pete in the drivers seat.

He didn't want to ask if Pete wanted to go up to his apartment, that would be awkward if Pete really only wanted to be friends. He could imagine how Pete would just mutter out a 'No. Thanks,' to him and drive off. But if it was a date, he needed to make sure Pete would stick around.

So he sat there and played with his fingers, waiting for Pete to say something.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" Pete asked. He still was questioning himself. He didn't even know if Patrick wanted to see him tomorrow.

"Yeah, sure." He smiled and nodded, hiding his disappointment. Pete smiled and he took it as his time to go back inside his apartment.

He went home and went to sleep. He was confused about 'Pete the school whore,' because the school whore might have just taken him out on a date and acted like a gentleman.

~*~

"And then I was like, 'Hell no!' you know? There was no way he'd get me to do that, but then he gave me those big puppy dog eyes, so I finally gave in and... Patrick?"

Patrick snapped out of his trance and looked back at his best friend.

"What?" he responded.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Were you even listening to me?" Ryan asked.

"Uh, sorry. I was spacing out." Patrick apologized.

Ryan rolled his eyes a second time. “What’s been going on with you lately? You’ve been so out of it.” Ryan questioned.

“Oh, its nothing. I just have a lot of class work this week is all. I’m kind of stressed” Patrick lied.

“Oh well, maybe you should take some time and relax you know? Maybe you can chill with Bren and I tonight.” Ryan offered.

“Thanks for the offer but I have a paper due.” Patrick told him, afraid Ryan would catch him in his lie. It’s not that he didn’t like spending time with Ryan and Brendon, but he was hoping to maybe hang with Pete tonight.

Whatever their little thing may be.

Even if Pete just wants to be friends, he still likes hanging around with him.

Or just looking at him.

“Oh shit. I’m late for class.” Ryan said, coming to the realization. “You should get going too. I’ll see you later.” he said taking off.

Patrick sighed, picked up his bag, and headed for his music appreciation class.

~*~

He walked in, almost late, and took his usual seat next to Pete.

Pete smiled and greeted him when he sat down. He looked as if he was going to say something else, but the teacher started talking first, so Pete stopped and turned to face the teacher.

Patrick tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach, and take notes, but his head was just filled with too many questions. Questions and fantasies about the boy next to him.

Was the date really a date? Were they a thing? Were they just fuck buddies? Were they just friends now? What if Pete thought Patrick was lame in bed and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, and the date was just a pity thing?

Patrick wished he could know exactly what was running through Pete’s head when they were together.

If he’s so nice and inviting to him all the time that can’t mean he dislikes him right?

He took him on a date right?

Or something.

But he didn’t want to go up to Patrick’s apartment.

Patrick began to worry that maybe Pete thought he wasn’t attractive and that’s why he wouldn’t go up to his place.

But then why did Pete hit on him to begin with?

Did he become hideous all of a sudden?

Was Pete interested in someone else?

Well of course.

Pete never stays with someone for long.

He hardly ever even sleeps with the same person twice.

 _...and I’m not special_. Patrick thought to himself.

So then why the fuck did Pete take him on a date?

Was it even a fucking date?

Why the fuck was he acting like it?

Patrick continued to think over the whole confusing situation, and continued to try not to look over at Pete too much.

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked over and Pete leaned in a whispered in his ear.

“Aren’t you going to take notes?” he asked.

Patrick flushed and looked down.

“Uh, I was spacing out.” He whispered back.

Pete smirked. “It’s okay. I noticed. I took notes for you.”

Patrick looked up at him. “Really? thanks.” he said.

“Do you want to hang out with me tonight after I get off work maybe? We can like, chill out and order pizza or something. Maybe get a movie. You can come up to my apartment.” Pete said.

Patrick smiled, and the butterflies came back.

“Sure.” he answered.

“I’ll text you directions to my house.”

~*~

Pete dragged his way to work, distracted and slightly worried.

He walked into Starbucks, put on his apron, and took his place behind the counter.

“One vanilla frappucchino and a skinny caramel machiato!” Jon called to Pete. It was super busy and he had just stepped in the door. He sighed and began making drinks.

 _He seems to be distancing himself from me lately_. Pete thought to himself.

 _What if he doesn’t want to date me? What if he just wants to be fuck buddies? But was Brendon right about the whole no sex thing? What if that’s not what he wants? But what if it is, and if he mentions sex again he’ll think that’s all I’m after?_ Pete continuously thought to himself.

He began to remember why he doesn’t usually do relationships. They’re so difficult and confusing.

But Patrick is worth it, he thinks.

Being lost in thought, he managed to overfill the drink, spilling it all over the counter.

“Pete! Ugh, clean that up please. where is your head today?” Jon said coming up from behind him, then abruptly being distracted by something else.

_Yeah, Patrick is definitely worth it._

~*~

"Hey," Pete slumped into the couch. The red cup of beer was half empty. The guy next to him whispered into his ear, "What's up?"

"Nothing much," He fingered the edges of the plastic cup. He smelled something like weed and looked around, trying to find the source. "Do you smell weed?"

"Yeah," This nameless boy replied, looking through the room full of people. "You want to find some?"

"Fuck yes," He smirked and shot up. The other boy stood up, towering over Pete. They searched through the smoke and people and found a small group of people sitting in a circle. They passed the dope to each other and told jokes.

Pete squeezed in and someone passed him the smoking object. He inhaled long and hard, and exhaled. He leaned back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes, chuckling to himself for no reason.

"What's your name?" The guy asked, sitting next to him and stealing the pot from Pete's hand. "I'm Dallon."

"Pete," He flicked open his eyes a bit. He looked over at Dallon and realized he had blue eyes just like Patrick. He smiled lazily and said, "You have pretty eyes."

"Thanks." Pete frowned a bit, because it wasn't something Patrick would say. Patrick, he would stutter out a 'thank you' or 'you think?' instead of sounding confident.

"What are you doing Saturday?" Dallon asked, way closer than necessary. Pete thought he felt his breath on his neck and knew there was a smirk playing Dallon's lips. Dallon took another sharp intake of smoke and let it out.

"I don't know," Pete replied. A smiling face flashed through his mind, and shit, Patrick. He didn't know where that came from, did he now actually have a fucking conscience? He weighed the pros and cons in his mind, Dallon against Patrick. Dallon was good looking, probably a good fuck, but Patrick was something else. Patrick had charm, and he didn't have an ego. He looked at him and made his decision. "I think I actually might have a date with my boyfriend."

~*~

"Patrick?" Pete breathed into his phone, clutching it until his fingers hurt. His mind was still fogged from alcohol and marijuana. "Can you come and pick me up?"

Brendon would bitch if Pete asked him to pick him up, so he called Patrick. Not to mention Ryan would come along and think he was being a slut and would end up giving Patrick some kind of STD. He didn't take his car here because he knew he would be wasted, so he rode the bus.

"Sure, give me the address." Patrick asked sleepily into the phone. Pete felt like a piece of shit for waking him up, but he would have felt even shittier if he asked Brendon.

Pete got out a scrap of paper with an address scribbled on it, and repeated it into the phone. He and Patrick said their goodbyes, and Patrick began getting dressed.

Pete sat on the lawn of the house, ripping up the grass and dissecting it with his fingers. He could hear the music and voices. Some people occasionally walked outside and got into their cars. He laughed, most of them would stumble over and barely get into their cars. He even thought he would hear ambulances a few minutes after they drove down the street.

Patrick drove up, smiling and beckoning Pete to his car. He stood up and smiled, wiping his hands on his pants for no reason.

"Hi," Patrick greeted him. Pete looked at the neon numbers that said the time near Patrick's dashboard, and shit, it was late. 2:47 glowed in the dark light of the car.

"Sorry, I didn't realize how late it was." Pete mumbled.

"It's okay," Patrick swerved onto the main road and they drove in silence. Pete passed a few car crashes and felt very morbid. It made him appreciate Brendon and Patrick even more.

Pete made it home in one piece. He gave Patrick a very late good night kiss and made Patrick blush.

~*~

The next morning, Patrick woke up with only a vague memory of the phone call and driving Pete home stoned at two in the morning.

He wasn't all that awake through out the whole thing, in fact he had managed to pass out on his bed fully dressed the minute he got home.

But he was awake now, and thinking about it.

He called Patrick why? Isn't Brendon usually the one taking care of his ass?

But that's not even what matters.

What matters is that Patrick is still confused as fuck as to what their relationship even is.

They hooked up a few times on Pete's accord, so obviously he's attracted to him in one form or another. (He hopes) But then he also took him on that weird awkward date thing. If that's even what it was. Ever since that Pete has refused to spend the night or even make out. But he's calling him up at two in the morning for a ride home? He's not using him right? As someone who will do favors for him and give him the occasional fuck he needs? Even if that were so, why the hell would he take him on a date? There's also the fact that he occasionally gives Patrick these sweet little kisses every now and then.

Like last night.

Patrick continued to think through things, utterly confused.

He liked Pete. He saw what other people didn't. He saw past Pete's reputation, and saw the cute, sweet, but lost guy that Pete was.

But he would also be content just being Pete's friend if that's what it was. He could always use a friend.

He decided the best thing to do would be to confront Pete. Ask him what the hell was going on, and clear things up.

Maybe then he'd sleep better at night.

~*~

"Hey Pete, will you meet me at the park in about ten minutes?" Patrick asked over the phone, deciding it would be best done in person.

"Yeah. Sure. Of course."

Ten minutes later, Patrick walked into the park, and Pete was sitting on a bench facing away from all the people, looking down at his hands.

"Hey." Patrick said, sitting down next to him. Pete looked up and smiled.

"Hey. What's going on?" Pete asked.

"Uh, well I wanted to talk to you, and I thought it would be better if we did it in person."

"Um, okay." Pete said, sounding like he was trying to hide his concern, or worry that this was "The talk." "Shoot." he said. There was a pause while Patrick thought over his exact question.

"Uh, what exactly are we?" Patrick asked, motioning between them, but keeping his eyes focused on the ground.

"What do you mean?" Pete asked.

"I mean, a week or two ago, we were f-- y'know, hooking up. I thought that's all it was... But then, you took me on a date... Type thing... And you haven't wanted to... Y'know... Ever since. So I thought we were just friends, but then like last night you kissed me and... I just don't know. I'm confused is all. I just want to know what's going on, Pete?" Patrick finished, still not looking at Pete.

"Um," but when Pete finally spoke after a pause Patrick looked up. "Do you... I mean... Are you not interested in like... Dating?" Pete asked somewhat meekly.

Patrick felt the color flood into his cheeks.

"Uh, n-no, I mean yes, well, no, that's not what I meant." Patrick finally spit out. He then cursed himself in his head. "I mean, if you want to then sure. But of not then, I'm fine with being whatever." There was a pause, and Patrick felt like he had just humiliated himself and kind of wanted to run away.

It was even worse when Pete chuckled.

"What?" Patrick asked.

"Brendon told me I shouldn't consider or even mention sex if I wanted this to work." Pete explained.

Patrick ached an eyebrow. "What?"

Pete sighed as he began his story. "I went to Brendon for advice, because I really liked you, but I havent been in an actual relationship since high school, so I needed help. He told me I should take you out on a date, and that if I mentioned sex that you'd think that's the only reason why I was doing it. So I was trying to take things slow."

Patrick's eyes widened a bit. "So you mean, you want to like... You want me to be your boyfriend?" Patrick asked; his face was on fire.

"That was the plan." Pete said with his famous smirk. "So what do you say?"

"I... Um..." Patrick stumbled over his words.

"I mean, you don't have to. We can go back to just, you know..." Pete rambled quickly when Patrick didn't answer right away.

"No, Pete. Yes. Yes I will." Patrick said, a slight smile on his face.

Pete's face lit up. "Awesome." he said grabbing Patrick's hand. He then leaned forward and placed a quick peck on Patrick's lips. "I'd hate to get going, but I have class in twenty minutes. But can we meet after?" Pete asked.

"Yeah." Patrick said.

"Cool. I'll call you." Pete said, toothy grin slapped across his face. Then, before departing, he leaned in for one last kiss.

~*~

"Hey Trick, can I ask you a question?" Pete said, rolling over on his side to look at him. They had met at the now deserted park again when Pete got out of class, and decided to just lay on the grass and star gaze. Just because they could, and they didn't quite feel like dealing with civilization yet.

"Shoot." he responded.

"Why exactly... I mean... Well, why do you like me? I just can't figure it out. No one else seems too. They just like to get off."

Patrick smirked and continued to look up at the stars.

“Well, I don’t see what other’s do I guess. I don’t pay attention to labels or reputations. I see past those things. You’re cute, sweet if you want to be, charming, and just, fun to be around.” Patrick said, thankful that the dark hid his flushed face.

“That could have been dangerous you know.” Pete said, famous smirk returning.

“How?” Patrick asked.

“Because you could have fallen for me, and I could have just completely used you and broke your heart.”

Patrick was silent.

“But you didn’t. And I was completely content with just a one night stand or two as well. I would have been fine. Don’t underestimate me.” Patrick said, turning to look at him, a grin on his face.

Pete smiled and rolled on top of him.

Patrick let out an “Oof” and Pete kissed his cheek, then just looked down at him.

“So,” he started, “What do I like about Patrick?” He leaned down and pecked his lips. “You’re adorable for one.” Patrick raised an eyebrow. Pete chuckled. “You’re a really nice, sweet guy.” He leaned down to kiss him again. “You’re shyness and nervousness is charming.” Kiss. “You have beautiful eyes.” Kiss. “And you like me for who I am.” kiss.

Patrick smiled and reached up to kiss him again.

“Thanks.”

~*~

"Patrick, stop, I need to get going." Pete said firmly. He pushed Patrick off his lap and onto the sofa. "I need to go home so I can get some sleep before work."

Patrick nodded his head, biting his lip. Since when does Pete turn down a make out session? Did he do something wrong?

Pete noticed his anxiety, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm tired all the time. It's nothing personal, I just need to get home and sleep for more than four hours for once."

Patrick nodded. "Okay."

~*~

"Hey Ry," Patrick greeted Ryan while he sat down next to him. He can't remember the last time they went out and got dinner like this, Brendon has been preoccupying Ryan for so long now. He looked around the restaurant; it was a nice place. "I've never been here before."

"Brendon said it was good." Ryan explained while picking up the menu. He choked on his water while looking at the prices.

Patrick chuckled, "Let me see how bad it is." He grabbed a menu and his cheerful expression turned into a grimace. "Fuck Brendon."

"I think I'm sticking to the $10 soup." Ryan declared. "I'll also order some water. We can share."

"Ryan, I can afford my own soup and water." He set the menu down, deciding on some cheese-broccoli soup.

"Sure you can."

~*~

"Patrick, I have a confession to make." Ryan stated after an awkward silence.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, uh," Ryan played with his napkin. "So, Brendon told me you and Pete are... dating."

Patrick's eyes widened slightly, waiting for Ryan to explode.

"Um, yeah..." He mumbled.

"Well, I just think you should know... Well I really don't like Pete."

Patrick raised an eyebrow. "Really? You don't say." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up, I'm not done. I mean, I have a reason for not liking him." He paused to take a breath. "Pete and I used to date. Kind of."

Patrick's eyes widened even more and looked like they were about to fall out of his head.

"W-What?" He sputtered out.

"Yeah. And... well, it ended badly I guess you could say. For me at least. He led me to believe that he really liked, maybe even loved me, while he was just using me for sex and a servant basically. He would ask me to go pick up his laundry then fuck some guy from the street while I was gone. When I found out, I was heart broken. Then I met Brendon, and that helped, but then I was just angry. Brendon was a friend of Pete's who I didn't trust at first either... but that's a different story. Turns out Pete kept our relationship, if you could call it that, a secret. Brendon didn't know about it. Still doesn't. No one knows. You're the first person I've told."

Patrick's jaw had dropped by this point.

"What.. but... How the fuck did I not know? Why the fuck didn't you tell me in the first place! This was what.. two years ago? How did I not fucking know about this?! I've known you since middle school! How the fuck did I not know you were dating Pete Wentz?!"

Ryan shrugged. "Pete wanted to keep it a secret. I was a fool and he convinced me it was more romantic that way. He also convinced me his parents didn't know he was gay and he didn't want the word to get out. I was young and stupid back then. It was only for like a month anyway."

"I still can't believe this."

"Yeah, I know. But do you see why I hate him now? Do you see why I didn't want you to keep seeing him?"

Patrick nodded. "Yeah. But..."

"I know." Ryan interrupted. "You think he's changed. Brendon also does apparently. Said he's never seen Pete like this before. So I'm not going to lecture anymore. I guess... I came to show my support. I just want you to be happy."

Patrick smiled. "Thanks."

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. Just don't mention it to Brendon please. He still doesn't know... He'd be furious."

"Secret safe with me."

~*~

_I wonder if this is even the right Starbucks._

Patrick walked into Starbucks hoping to find Pete and find out why he'd been acting so weird lately.

It was the typical quiet Starbucks, everyone was focused on their laptops and phones, and didn't notice Patrick. However, it was the workers jobs to notice the customers.

"Patrick?" Pete asked from the counter. He rubbed his eyes, "What are you doing here?"

"I want some coffee. Plus I wanted to see you." He adds with a charming smile. "When are you getting off work?"

"Not for another few hours. Sorry, I kinda need the money. But what do you want to drink?" He asked. Patrick did notice the dark rings around his eyes.

"Just a latte. Large, Carmel and whipped cream." He drummed his fingers against the counter, looking at the types of cookies and cupcakes they had on display behind glass. Pete left the counter to give the order to Jon.

Pete returned, latte in hand. "I'll pay." He handed him the coffee and took out his wallet from his jeans pocket. Patrick opened his mouth to protest, but Pete shook is head. "I'm paying and that is final. Plus I get a discount because I work here."

Pete fussed with the cash register, feeding it a five dollar bill and taking out about a dollar as change. When Patrick didn't say his goodbyes, Pete looked around and leaned close. "Patrick, I have to work. I need the money. I'll call you tonight."

Patrick's heart dropped, but he nodded his head and hugged Pete briefly by surprise. Pete stiffened, but hugged him back.

 _"Ryan couldn't possibly be right."_ Patrick thought, before leaving.

Jon took the counter next. He laughed at Pete, "You should tell him you're planning a birthday party for him before he thinks you're an asshole. You can go home now."

Pete smiled and shoved Jon playfully, "Man, he probably already thinks I'm an asshole. He'll think I'm awesome as fuck when I give him this birthday party, though."

~*~

Ryan stood in front of the mirror fiddling with his hair, and he wasn't quite sure if he was nervous or stalling. But either way, he wasn't looking forward to the events that were about to take place that evening.

"Ryan sweetie, you hair is fine, lets go." Brendon said coming up behind him.

Ryan sighed and looked at his boyfriend. Brendon recognized the look of reluctance and brought his hands up to Ryan's shoulders, gently rubbing them in attempt to soothe his lover.

"Ry, everything will be alright okay?" Brendon tried. "Just try and have fun for Patrick. It's his party."

"I know, I know." Ryan said, closing his eyes and lolling his head back, relaxing into Brendon's touch. "I just... I did what you said and told him that I was okay with him and Pete, but I'm really not Bren. I'm afraid he's going to get hurt. I mean, I know Pete's your best friend and everything, but I just don't trust him. I really don't approve of this."

Brendon sighed and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. "Ryan, Patrick is a grown man. He can make his own decisions. And if he makes a wrong one... you can't always be there to protect him. You'll just have to be there to pick up the pieces. Let him make his own mistakes."

Ryan sighed. "I know. But I'm still worried."

Brendon chuckled. "And you have every right to be. Pete is a bit immature and irresponsible. But he's also..."

"A slut?" Ryan finished. Brendon rolled his eyes, but also let a smile escape his lips at the truth. "Yes, sometimes, but he's also head over heals for Patrick. Something about your boy must have caught his attention, because I've never seen him work this hard in his entire life. He nearly worked himself to death so he could give Patrick a great birthday. Pete really does care about him."

Ryan sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I still don't like him though."

Brendon laughed. "Of course. Well, let's go before we're late."

Ryan reached up and kissed his boyfriend before fixing his hair one last time and following Brendon out the door.

~*~

Pete took a deep breath before knocking on the familiar apartment door.

Patrick answered with a blank expression on his face.

After Patrick didn't say anything, Pete awkwardly brought up his hand to wave.

"Uh, hey." He finally spat.

"What? Finally done working enough to come see your boyfriend? How about the fact that I haven't seen you all day and it's my fucking birth-"

"Get your coat." Pete cut him off.

Patrick raised his eyebrow. "What?" He asked.

"Get you're coat. I'm taking you out." Pete said with a mischievous grin on his face.

Patrick sighed. "Fine." He said before closing the door and disappearing for a moment. Pete waited anxiously outside before Patrick finally reappeared with his coat and wallet.

"Let's go then."

~*~

"Where are we going anyway?" Patrick asked as he got in the car. "And where the fuck did you get a car?"

Pete laughed. "I borrowed it from Brendon. And I'm taking you out to dinner with our friends, then afterward there's a surprise."

"A surprise...?" Patrick questioned.

"Yup. Happy birthday sweetie." Pete charmed, reaching over to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek.

Warmth filled Patrick's cheeks as he looked away, trying to hide his face.

"Don't try and butter me up. It's not going to make up for ignoring me for the last few days you asshole." Patrick muttered.

Pete laughed. "I wasn't ignoring you, you know. I was working my ass off, trying to save up so I could throw you the best birthday you've ever had."

Patrick sat up straight and looked at Pete with surprised eyes.

"Really?" He asked. "That's why you've been so distant?"

Pete smiled and leaned over to kiss him. "Mhm. Happy birthday."

Patrick flushed even deeper, but smiled.

"I... I don't know what to say." He mumbled.

"You don't need to say anything. Just have a good time alright?" Pete said, grabbing his hand.

Patrick nodded. "Thank you. This is really sweet, Pete. I never expected this from you to be honest."

Pete laughed again. "You, and probably everyone else on the face of this planet."

~*~

The two of them arrived at the restaurant to see an impatient looking Brendon and Ryan standing outside in the freezing cold.

"It's about time." Brendon said as they approached.

Pete rolled his eyes, and Ryan gave Patrick a hug and wished him a happy birthday.

"Happy birthday Trick." Brendon said giving him a pat on the shoulder. "Lets go inside shall we? Before my balls freeze off."

~*~

For the majority of the dinner Ryan didn't say much. He mostly kept silent and kept his eyes on the table or on his food. He didn't mean to create an awkward atmosphere, but he was trying his hardest not to be bitter to Pete, and that just so happened to mean pretending he wasn't there.

Every now and then Brendon would give Ryan and supportive pat on the knee, or hold his hand and caress it lovingly, something to calm him down. But it wasn't working too well.

However, despite the awkward atmosphere, Patrick managed to have a great time, mostly because he felt like he had the best boyfriend in the world, and he was out with his friends. Just plain and simple.

"Uh, I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." Ryan mumbled before getting up from the booth. Brendon looked after him for a moment before following.

Patrick sighed and turned to Pete.

"Sorry about that." Patrick said. Pete smirked.

"It's alright, that kid's hated my guts for as long as I can remember."

"Believe it or not, he's trying really hard. Not looking at or acknowledging you is his way of sparing you." Patrick said with an amused chuckle.

Pete laughed too. "My original plan had been to throw you some huge party and invite everyone on campus." He started. "But then I thought about it and realized, this is Patrick. Sweet, quiet, semi-anti social Patrick. I was sure you'd rather have an evening out with your closest friends and your boyfriend. So I spent the money on something much better, and more fun then a big party full of drunk off their ass sluts." Pete told him.

"And what might that be?" Patrick asked.

"You'll just have to wait until after dinner to find out. But I know you'll love it."

Patrick sighed. "Fine then."

Brendon and Ryan came back, both with fake pleasant expressions on their faces.

"Sorry about that." Brendon said as they sat back down. "But Ryan promises to be on his best behavior from here on out."

Ryan rolled his eyes and sighed, but then nodded. "Yeah." He mumbled. "It was really nice of you to put this together for Patrick." Ryan mumbled, not meeting his eye.

Patrick looked amused at the obviously forced positive comment from Ryan, whereas Pete look surprised, and Brendon looked at his boyfriend as if he could do better.

"Uh, yeah. Well, he deserves it for putting up with me and everything." Pete said. Ryan nodded in response and looked back down at his food.

~*~

"Will you tell me what the surprise is already? You're driving me crazy." Patrick said as they got back in the car after dinner.

Pete sighed and pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket, then handed it to Patrick. "Happy birthday Trick." He said. Patrick smiled at him and opened the envelope. His brow furrowed as he pulled out too tickets.

"What are these fo..." He trailed off as he read the name printed across the center of the tickets. His eyes widened and he looked at Pete in shock.

"These are Prince tickets." He deadpanned.

Pete smiled. "I remember you mentioning how obsessed you are with him. It turns out he's on tour, and I did my research and it was perfect timing."

"Perfect timing...?" Patrick questioned before reading the fine print. His eyes widened even more if possible. "Tonight. These are for tonight." He stated again. "You're taking me to see Prince... tonight... for my birthday."

Patrick's voice lacked emotion, which made Pete nervous. He didn't fuck this up did he? Patrick said he liked Prince right?

"Uh, yeah, if you don't like-"

Pete was cut off by the sudden arms around his neck, then the sudden lips on his own.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Thank you so much." He exclaimed between kisses. "Oh my god I don't even know what to say." Kiss. "I love you so much oh my god." Kiss.

Pete turned red. It was the first time Patrick had ever said, "I love you." And it was still pretty soon, Pete wasn't sure if they had met that point yet, and he also wasn't sure if Patrick meant it or if he was just saying it because he was excited and it just came out.

Either way Pete smiled and kissed him on the lips again.

"You're welcome." He said. "The show starts at nine, so we should go get ready." He suggested.

Patrick nodded. "Yeah. Okay. For the record, this is the best fucking birthday ever." He beamed.

Pete smiled even wider. "That's what I was aiming for."


	3. The Best Way to Make it Through With Hearts and Wrists in Tact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ooooh boy. The chapter after this is the last one, sooo.....

Part III

So, it had taken about a month for Pete to agree to start having sex again.

_"Pete please! It's been three and a half weeks! I'm dying... Pleeeaaasssseeeee!" Patrick begged. They were sitting on the couch in Patrick's apartment watching Top Gun. Or at least they were before the make-out session. Then once again, Patrick went to undo Pete's pants, only to have Pete stop him._

_"Patrick I told you..."_

_"I know... You want to take it slow. But Pete, if we were fucking snails we would have done it by now. Come on, I don't understand why you're doing this. It's not like I'm going to think you're using me. Pete we've been together for a month. I just don't... Unless..."_

_Patrick removed himself from Pete's lap, standing in front of him, head down, holding his arms._

_"...Unless you don't want to have sex with me. Is it because I've put on a few pounds? Is it because you're just not attracted to me anymore? I... it's okay. I understand. I'll just... I'm tired, I'll go to bed."_

_Pete sat horrified as Patrick turned to go into the bedroom._

_"Patrick wait!" Pete jumped up and grabbed his arm. "Patrick... are you serious? You seriously think I don't want to have sex with you? You're insane... Do you have any idea how hard it's been for me to say no? Patrick, I really, really, want to have sex with you. You have no idea, I was just trying to prove that I'm a good boyfriend. That I've changed."_

_Patrick took a breath to respond, but was cut off by Pete grabbing his face and attacking his lips._

_Patrick kissed back as Pete pushed them into the bedroom until they were stumbling backwards onto the bed. He took hold of the bottom of Patrick's shirt and pulled it over his head, breaking the kiss momentarily, then ran his hands down his chest noting the softness of it. He soon pulled of his shirt, tossing it on the floor._

_Pete moved his lips to Patrick's neck, sucking and nibbling, until he was sure he left a mark._

_Meanwhile, Patrick's breathing had grown shallow, his hands moving to weave his fingers through the older boy's hair._

_Pete moved his lips to his chest, placing a kiss before slowly moving down. He left a trail of kisses down to the button on Patrick's jeans before undoing them slowly, teasingly. He slid them down exposing Patrick completely. He sat there for a moment, not touching or saying anything. It was cruel, really._

_"Pete, can you-"_

_Patrick was cut off by Pete's lips on his dick. He let out a small breathy moan._

_Pete took more in, and slowly bobbed is head up and down, using his tongue in ways that made Patrick squirm._

_His breathing grew harder. "Oh God." He muttered breathily. "Oh God... Pete..."_

_Pete let off, his hands replacing his lips, as he moved up to kiss Patrick on the lips again, caressing his face with his other hand at the same time._

_He proceeded to undo his jeans, sliding them down around his knees. He grabbed a condom from the drawer in the bedside table, as well as a small bottle of lube and applied the two while Patrick shifted to his hands and knees._

_Pete gave him a kiss on the shoulder blade before slicking up his finger and inserting one into the younger boy's entrance. He moved his finger around, stretching._

_Patrick winced, and his breathing grew shallow again._

_Once Pete had two fingers in, he began searching for his spot. After a few tries, he tilted his fingers just right, and Patrick moaned, ("Like a dirty whore," Pete told him later.)_

_"Pete, just... I'm... I'm ready now."_

_Pete responded by pulling his fingers out, and taking hold of the boy's hips._

_He lined up his cock, then pushed in slowly._

_He was so tight. Pete almost couldn't handle it, it felt so good._

_But he wanted to make sure Patrick was feeling it too, so to speak._

_"Are you alright?" He asked._

_"I'm fine." Patrick grunted. "Just move please."_

_Pete obliged, thrusting in and out, slowly at first, but picking up once he found the spot that again, made Patrick moan like a dirty whore._

_"Oh God, Pete... ngh, f-faster.." He pleaded between groans._

_Again, Pete obliged, being reminded of the first time they did it. Patrick, a cute little virgin. Yet, Pete wouldn't have guessed it by the way he acted in bed. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but it seemed like once they got back to the apartment, all his nervousness and shy tendencies vanished, and he was on his hands and knees begging for him to go harder and faster._

_It was definitely a turn on._

_Pete pulled out, not having come yet, and flipped Patrick onto his back, grabbing onto his ankles. He pushed back in, hitting his prostate almost immediately. This time he grabbed Patrick's dick, attempting to move his hand in sequence with his thrusts._

_"Oh God." Patrick moaned. "I think I'm going to come. "_

_Pete was close himself._

_Soon, there was a string of profanities that slipped from the younger boys mouth, and he coming, all over his stomach._

_Pete wasn't far behind._

_Pete came, cursing and moaning Patrick's name as he did so. He slid and tied off him condom, tossing it in the waist basket, before collapsing next to Patrick._

_Patrick smiled and kissed him._

_"Thank you." He said._

_"No Problem." Pete replied, smiling back._

~*~

"I know that face anywhere, Pete Wentz." Brendon stated as Pete sat next to him in English class. "You got laid last night didn't you?"

Pete smiled. "Maybe."

"So, you gave in huh? I thought you were going to start over and take it slow."

"Well he convinced me. He was starting to think that the reason I wasn't having sex with him was because I wasn't attracted to him or some ridiculous shit. So I proved him wrong." He added with a victorious smirk.

Brendon laughed.

"What?" Pete asked, confused.

"You're such an idiot." Brendon stated between laughs. "And Patrick is one cunning little son of a bitch."

"Wait, you mean...?"

"You just got schooled my friend."

Pete glared at him. "Well god damn it." He said. 

He sighed. "Well you know what? I am way to happy to be pissed about it. Hell, it got me laid so whatever, man." He said, kicking back in his chair.

Brendon laughed again.

"You'll learn one of these days, Wentz."

~*~

It happened to be one of those days in Chicago that you either found charming and romantic, or depressing. It wasn't raining or snowing, but there was plenty of cloud cover. Also, it was very cold. It was very cold, and there wasn't any heat in Patrick's apartment. (He's a college student without a job. Heat was a luxury he couldn't afford, and his parents refused to pay for.)

Because of the current weather conditions, and the fact that it was probably forty degrees in the apartment, Pete and Patrick were all curled up underneath about three down blankets, watching a movie on low, not really paying attention, instead chattering mindlessly.

"Hey Pete?" Patrick asked, after a bit of silence, save for the background noise coming from the television.

"Yeah?"

"Is it weird that... we've only been dating for four months, but it feels like it's been forever?"

"Woah." Pete said in response. "It's only been four months?"

Patrick nodded. "Crazy isn't it?"

"You know, not to get all cheesy and cliche..." Pete said. "But you've only known me for four months, but I feel like you understand me better then my parents, or even my best friend, who's known me for years."

Patrick smiled. "I feel similarly. Guess we just have some kind of weird connection. It's weird though, because we couldn't be more different."

Pete chuckled in response, letting quietness fill the air. Patrick was still snuggled up against him with his head on his chest, eyes fixed on the T.V. screen.

Pete couldn't be happier.

It didn't matter that there wasn't any heat, and Patrick was out of hot chocolate. It was the imperfections of the moment that made it sweet and comfortable.

Pete closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Patrick, breathing in his scent, and radiating in his warmth.

"I love you." He mumbled into Patrick's hair.

Patrick looked up at him, taking his Pete's facial expression, and noting that he was in fact serious.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to Petes lips, soft and lovingly.

"I love you too." He said.

~*~

So it had been about four months since Patrick and Pete had declared themselves official. They had tuned into one of those disgustingly cute couples that drove their friends crazy. Patrick remembers complaining about Brendon and Ryan, how they always had to be touching each other, how they had to spend every winking moment together. He remembered vowing to himself that he'd never end up in one of those disgusting relationships.

Ryan constantly reminds him of this.

Especially in moments like this when they're supposed to be having a boys night in, (No girlfriends allowed) and every other sentence is about how wonderful Pete is, how people just don't understand him, how, "Oh this is Pete's favorite part of the movie!"

"Seriously Patrick, it's been four months now. I get it okay, you're in love with your boyfriend, he's the greatest person in the world, blah blah blah. One more word about him and I'll slip some Rufies in your drink." Ryan stated, refusing to admit that he was the same way when he and Brendon first started dating.

Patrick sighed. "I'm sorry... I'm just... last night he told me he loved me. I'm still a bit... you know."

"It's alright." Ryan said. "I get it, I'm just tired of hearing about your mushy love life." He added with a smirk.

Patrick rolled his eyes. "Hey, it could be worse. I could go on about our sex life."

"Patrick don't... I swear..."

"He let me top last night."

"PATRICK NO." He exclaimed, grabbing a pillow and smothering Patrick's face with it. "It's bad enough I have to put up with you dating Mephistopheles, but please, for god's sake, don't put any pictures in my head."

Patrick laughed and pushed him off.

"But, uh.. Ryan can I ask you something?"

"Only if it doesn't involve your sex life."

Patrick sighed. "Never mind then."

Ryan exhaled, probably going to regret his words, but said it anyway. "Okay fine, what is it?"

Patrick smiled slightly, turning red. "I... uh... I don't really know how to ask this..."

Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"How do you... uh... give a blow job?" Patrick muttered so low it was almost inaudible.

Ryan's eyebrows nearly shot to his hairline.

"I... uh... you mean you've never...?" Ryan sputtered.

"I... no."

"You've been together for months and you've never given him a blow job!?" Ryan exclaimed, holding back a laugh.

"There's no need to announce it to the entire neighborhood." He grumbled, blushing profusely.

"Sorry." Ryan said. "I just... I don't know. Usually that kind of thing comes before the whole sex thing, you know? Considering you guys have been going at it like rabbits for the last four months... it's just... weird... I dunno."

"It's just never come up I guess." Patrick mumbled, still embarrassed. "I mean, he's... you know... for me... I just... I don't know. I guess I should return the favor."

"Well why don't you just concentrate on what he does to you and try and... copy it?" Ryan asked. All his discomfort was gone, and now he was honestly curious.

"Well, I'm usually not focused on... you know... taking notes during that time." Patrick said. Still red.

Ryan chuckled. "Okay, well... I guess I could give you a few pointers."

~*~

"Oh God." Pete grumbled, nearly moaned as Patrick went down on him. He started by running his tongue from the base of his cock to the tip, before taking the head in his mouth.

"Holy fuck, Patrick wait." Pete gasped.

Patrick pulled off, looking confused.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I need to get a condom first." Pete rolled over and reached into the drawer in the bedside table, pulling out a pack.

"Uh." Patrick was confused. He was knew at the whole blow job thing, but he was pretty sure a condom wasn't exactly necessary. "Can't we just... uh... why?" He asked. "It's not like you're going to knock me up or anything. Besides... It's just a blow job..."

"I know." Pete said. "But... I haven't been tested in a while. It's just precaution."

Patrick sighed. "But you're always safe... right?"

"Well yeah... I, uh, I mean you never know, I could have been really drunk and I just don't remember. I just... don't trust myself." Pete hoped he wasn't as transparent as he felt he was. Yeah, so there was something he wasn't telling Patrick, but there's no need to worry him, right? 

Patrick sighed again.

"I'll tell you what." Pete said. "I'll go to the doctor tomorrow and get tested. Then after we find out for sure... that I'm clean... no condoms mandatory." Pete smiled.

"Alright. Just hurry and put that thing on an let's get on with it." Patrick laughed.

~*~

"Hey Brendon?" Pete asked as soon as he sat down in History class.

"Hmm?" He responded, not looking up from his cell phone.

"Brendon, I need you to do me a favor." He stated seriously. Brendon looked up from his phone, seeing the worry in Pete's face.

"What is it?" He asked, now concerned.

Pete took a deep breath before speaking. "I..." He started, but paused. "I... A while back, before I met Patrick, I hooked up with this guy at a party." He paused gathering his thoughts. Brendon raised an eyebrow, hoping there was more to the story. "I, um, I was really drunk. Probably high too... And I think... I don't remember if he... if we were safe. Then the other night I insisted on a condom... and just it reminded me that I hadn't been tested since before then, and, long story short, I promised Patrick I would checked."

Brendon nodded. "Okay, so what's the favor you're asking?"

"I was wondering if you would come with me." Pete stated.

"Oh. Yeah of course, but why didn't you ask Patrick to come with you?" Brendon asked.

"Incase it turns out... if I'm positive... I just... I wouldn't want him to... I just... would rather he's not there." He answered, keeping his eyes fixed on the desk. Brendon wouldn't understand. So Pete wasn't going to explain anymore than that.

Brendon widened his eyes. "You think you have HIV?" He asked in disbelief, keeping his voice down.

Pete sighed. "I don't know. That's why I'm going to get tested."

There was an uncomfortable pause. Brendon exhaled. "Well, what are the chances that the [i]one[/i] guy you slept with, unprotected, is positive? I'm sure you'll be fine." He placed a supportive hand on Pete's shoulder. "You'll be fine." He repeated.

Pete exhaled. "Would you mind not telling Ryan? I don't want him to flip out on me or anything. I think he's just starting to get used to me, finally."

"Yeah of course." Brendon said. There was a pause while Pete continuously stared at the desk.

"Relax Pete. Everything will be alright." Brendon said once more, rubbing his shoulder supportivley.

~*~

It turns out that Pete's appointment was that afternoon, which meant he didn't have to see Patrick until afterward. He didn't want Patrick to see how utterly terrified he was, and insist on coming. His reason for not wanting Patrick there... it was complicated. He's glad Brendon didn't ask for specifics, because he wouldn't have understood anyway. Basically, Pete was so head over heals for Patrick, that hurting him in anyway might kill him. It had gotten to the point where for the first time since he was a kid, Pete cared about someone other than himself. He even cared about someone more than he cared for himself. He wanted Patrick to be happy, and if, God forbid, he turned out positive, well, he just simply couldn't put Patrick through that. It's really as simple as that. Though for it being so simple, it's not something the others would understand.

Now, it's not as if Pete believes the chance he might be positive is that high, but he likes to take precaution, just in case, there's that small chance that the worst case scenario comes through.

"Are you ready?" Brendon asked, placing his arms around Pete's shoulders as they stood outside the clinic.

"Yeah I guess." He answered solemnly.

"Alright." He said, guiding Pete inside. The walked up to the counter, only to be greeted by an overly excited receptionist. Just the energy she was exuding was ticking Pete off. He was not in the mood.

"Hello! Can I help you boys today?" She asked, with her perky high pitched voice.

"I'm here for an HIV test." Pete mumbled.

"Okay, I'm going to need you to fill this out for me then bring it back up here, kay sweetie?" She said, holding out a clipboard full of questions Pete really didn't want to think about right now.

He took a seat, and Brendon sat next to him silently texting, as Pete filled out the sheet.

"I told Ryan that I'm helping you study for an exam. I hate lying to him, so you owe me one."

Pete nodded.

"I'm telling you. You'll be fine, okay?"

"Will you stop saying that!" Pete snapped. "You don't know that. No one knows that, except for the fucking doctors who are making me fill out this god damn sheet. I don't fucking _know_ how many people I've slept with in the last year, okay? I don't want to fucking think about them."

Brendon sighed.

"Pete-"

"And these stupid questions about safety. If I was always fucking safe would I be here? Do I look like I'm addicted to heroine? This whole system is just-"

"Pete, shut the fuck up and listen." Brendon demanded. Pete stopped talking.

"I know you're going to be fine, alright? Having an STD isn't necessarily a death sentence. Whether it's HIV or chlamydia, you'll be okay. So what if it turns out your positive? All it means is that you'll have to watch out for your health, be careful, and extra safe. You're not going to die. So calm the fuck down and finish filling out that paper so we can get out of here." Brendon stated. Pete didn't say another word. He just sank back into his chair and continued filling out the paper.

 _But Brendon didn't understand._ Pete had every fucking right to be upset and freaking out. Sure having HIV wouldn't be the worst thing. (Again, what are the chances of that _one_ guy infecting him?) But if he did have it... He was more worried for Patrick than anyone else.

He knew Patrick loved him to death. He knew Patrick loved him as much as he loved Patrick, which was a lot.

He knew that Patrick would be worried to death and devote his entire life to him if Pete turned out positive.

He didn't want that.

He wanted Patrick to have a happy carefree relationship.

He knew that if one day he got sick, and didn't recover, Patrick would beat himself up over Pete's death so hard, and be so depressed that he might even take his own life.

Pete _really_ didn't want that.

Sure they had only been dating for four months, but as cliche as it sounds, they had this odd connection that made it seem like they've known each other their whole lives. They knew each other inside and out.

So Pete knew how Patrick would react, and he knew he didn't want it that way.

He finished filling out the form and brought it back to the receptionist, without looking her in the eye or saying a word.

He sat back down next to Brendon and sighed.

Brendon gave him another supportive pat on the shoulder.

About three minutes into the wait, he got a text from Patrick.

 _"Where are you? I came up to your apartment but you weren't there."_ It read.

 _"I'm studying with Brendon. I'll be back in like an hour or so. You can wait there if you want."_ Pete replied.

 _"Alright. Get lots done. I'll see you in a little bit. I love you."_ Pete smiled slightly, feeling a bit bad for lying.

_"I love you too."_

He didn't get a response, but exhaled, feeling the slightest bit calmer.

"Pete Wentz?" A person in turquoise scrubs called, peaking from behind the door next to the receptionist.

Pete looked at Brendon.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He Brendon asked.

"If you want... I don't care." Pete grumbled. However Brendon smirked, knowing that Pete actually meant was "Please don't make me go in there alone."

The boys followed the man in the scrubs through hallways, until they reached a small uncomfortably sterile room.

"Alright Mister Wentz, have a seat here, while I take your blood pressure." The man wrapped the Velcro band around Pete's bicep before pumping it until it was squeezing painfully, then letting it sit for much longer than necessary, (according to Pete.) Since you know, everyone was out to get him an everything.

"Your blood pressure is normal." The nurse stated, removing the blood pressure device, then jotting down some notes. "Your doctor will be in shortly." He said before exiting the room.

Pete exhaled.

"You alright? I can feel the anxiety oozing from you." Brendon asked.

Pete nodded.

It took a good ten minutes for the doctor to finally show up. It's not like there were many people there anyway. Pete was getting impatient.

Finally a man in a white coat, carrying a clipboard walked in.

"Hi." He greeted.

"Hi." Pete mumbled.

"So what can I do for you today?" The doctor asked.

"I'm here for uh, tests." He grumbled.

"What kind of tests?" The doctor asked.

Brendon rolled his eyes. "He's here to get tested for HIV." He specified. Pete just continued to avoid eye contact by keeping the gaze cast down towards the ground.

"I see." The doctor said. "I'll just need a blood sample then, and you can be on your way."

~*~

"How long will it take?" Pete asked, picking at the bandage on his arm.

"You mean for results?" The doctor specified. "Well we're not overrun with HIV tests today, so I should be able to get it to you in about half an hour if you're willing to wait."

"Okay, can we do that?" Pete asked, eager to get the results and get back to Patrick.

"Sure, if you can wait in the lobby, I'll call you when they're ready."

~*~

It was the longest thirty minutes of Pete's life. He wasn't sure how he got through it. If it wasn't for Brendon's constant attempts at distraction, he's not sure he would have made it.

"Mister Wentz." The doctor called from behind that same door.

The boys stood up again, and followed the man into the small sterile room once again.

Pete seriously thought he might explode. He had never been this insanely nervous in his entire life. He could really use some pot right about now, even though that's what got him into this whole mess in the first place.

"Mister Wentz, sit down please." Pete gulped and did as he asked. "On your form, you didn't mark if you ever had unprotected sex." He stated.

Pete shrugged.

The doctor sighed. "It's important information."

"I don't remember." Pete mumbled. "There was one time, that I don't remember if we used protection or not. I don't even remember what the guy looked like. How the hell am I supposed to remember if we used a condom?"

The doctor nodded. "Well is that the only time you're not sure of?" He asked.

"Yes." Pete said. The doctor nodded again, before turning to Brendon.

"Are you his partner?" He asked Brendon.

Brendon smirked. "No, I'm not, I'm just here for support."

"I see, well-"

"Can you cut the shit and just tell me if I'm infected or not?" Pete snapped. Brendon gave him a disapproving glare.

"Sorry." Brendon apologized. "He's been on edge all day. He's really nervous."

"It's okay, I understand. I get people like this all the time." He said before turning to Pete. "Pete," he started, "you tested positive for HIV."

There was a pause.

Pete didn't say anything. He couldn't. All the color drained from his face. He was frozen. All he could think was, _no._ He knew coming in here that it was a possibility, but...

The doctor gave him a sympathetic look before continuing.

"I highly suggest you inform your partner, or partners before you have intercourse, and be sure to use a lot of protection. I'm going to give you the number of a specialist before I send you on your way. I want you to call her and set up an appointment. She's going to tell you everything you need to know to stay strong and healthy." The doctor paused one more time. "Good luck, and I wish you the best." He said before leaving the room, leaving Brendon and Pete speechless, taking in the information they were just given.

~*~

The drive back to Pete's place was pretty much silent. Brendon didn't know what to say, and Pete didn't feel like talking.

All he could think about was how just the other day they were happy and laughing, and had no idea of the dangers that were circulating through Pete's blood. How, if he had made one wrong move, how if he had let Patrick suck him off without a condom, he could have very well put Patrick's life in danger.

He thought about how just _being_ with Patrick was putting him in danger.

He wondered what he had done to deserve this.

Was is payback for his lifestyle pre-Patrick?

That makes sense, he thought. But really, for the first time in his life he was genuinely happy. Is he not allowed to be happy? Apparently the universe doesn't think so.

Pete feels numb. He knows he should feel some sort of sorrow or anger, but he doesn't. He doesn't feel anything.

He doesn't feel anything because he won't allow himself to.

He can't let Patrick see him upset. For various reasons, he can't.

He can't hurt Patrick. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did. He cant, he won't, expose Patrick to this.

Pete was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't realized when Brendon pulled up to his apartment.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Brendon asked.

Pete shook his head. "It's okay. Patrick's here anyway."

Brendon nodded. "Alright." He paused again before speaking. "You'll make it through this Pete. Don't let yourself talk you into thinking you can't. You're stronger than you think you are. You're lucky to have Patrick there as well."

Pete sighed. "Brendon, I need to ask you something."

"Sure." Brendon replied.

"Please don't tell anyone. Not even Ryan. Especially not Ryan. No matter what he says, no matter what he says Patrick said, do not tell him anything, alright?" Pete asked.

Brendon was confused by the request, but didn't question it. He agreed, and Pete thanked him quietly before exiting the car, and bracing himself for what would be the most difficult thing he'd ever have to do in his life.

~*~

Pete walked into his apartment, spotting Patrick asleep on the couch.

He took deep breath. He really didn't want to wake Patrick.

So he sat down on the coffee table across from him and watched him sleep.

He looked so peaceful and serene.

Pete wanted to shoot himself. Why was he so stupid?

After about twenty minutes of Pete just sitting there, watching his boyfriend, taking everything in, for what would probably be the last time, Patrick came to. His eyes fluttered open, and he sat up straight. He furrowed his brow when he saw Pete.

"How long have you been here?" Patrick asked.

"About twenty minutes." Pete muttered. "I didn't want to wake you."

Patrick yawned. "How was studying?"

Pete didn't answer. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, which was in direct view of the living room, so Patrick saw him lean against the counter with his head in his hands.

"Are you alright? Did something happen?" Patrick asked, getting up to stand next to Pete.

Pete was silent for a moment.

He took a deep breath before looking at Patrick, then averting his gaze again. He didn't want Patrick to see then truth in his eyes when he said, "Patrick... I... I don't think we should be together anymore..." An awkward silence filled the air.

"W-What?" Patrick sputtered out, after registering what Pate had just said.

"I think we should break up." Pete clarified.

Patrick furrowed his eyebrows together. "Why?" He asked, confused. "I... I thought things were going great... I... I thought... You said you loved me." His voice was getting quieter.

"I'm sorry Patrick." That was all the explanation he was going to give, but it wasn't enough for Patrick.

"What the fuck Pete?" Patrick was raising his voice now. "You can't just waltz in here, and fucking tell me your breaking up with me, with _no_ explanation, when an hour ago you were telling me you loved me through text message!" Patrick was furious, Pete had never seen him this mad. "What the fuck happened?! Did something happen with Brendon?!"

"No!" Pete yelled back, pounding his fist on the table. "I'm just not cut out for this lifestyle okay?! I thought I was, but I'm not. I don't love you. I never did. It was all a lie! Don't you get it? I used you okay?! I was tired of looking like the school whore, so all I needed was a little bait to up my reputation." Pete felt like he was going to puke.

Patrick stood frozen, stunned. He was filled with so many different emotions... Anger, confusion, sadness, shock... Then before he knew it his hand was forming a fist, and he was punching Pete square in the jaw. He then grabbed his things, and stormed out of the apartment without saying another word.

Pete held onto his face where Patrick had punched him, knowing he deserved it and more, sank to the floor, and began to cry. He doesn't remember having cried since he was a kid. But here he was. He was a mess. He was HIV positive, crying on his kitchen floor after the loss of the love of his life.

And it was all his fault.

Some life this had turned out to be.

~*~

Patrick found himself on Brendon and Ryan's door step, crying, and heartbroken. He really didn't want to be alone. He knocked on the door, trying to pull himself together, but failing before the door opened.

"Patrick?" Brendon asked, confused. "Are you alright?"

"Can I come in?" He asked, voice broken.

"Of course." Brendon said, stepping out of the way, allowing Patrick entrance.

"Thank you." He sniffed.

"Brendon, who... Patrick?" Ryan asked, walking into the room. "Oh my god Patrick what happened?" Ryan asked, rushing over.

Patrick sniffed again, trying to pull himself together. "Pete..." But it was all he could get out.

Ryan looked at Brendon. "What did Pete do?" He asked.

Brendon shrugged, remembering the promise he made.

"Pete Broke up with me." Patrick finished. Both Brendon and Ryan looked at him with wide eyes.

"What?" They both said simultaneously.

"He... broke up with me." Patrick said, sitting down on the couch.

Ryan sat next to him. "What... did he explain to you why?" Ryan asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"He said... He said that he didn't really love me... and that he was just using me." That was as much detail as Patrick was going to be able go into without breaking down again.

Brendon clenched his jaw before grabbing his coat and keys and storming towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Ryan asked.

"I'll be back." He spat before storming out of the room.

~*~

"Pete what the fuck were you thinking!" Brendon exclaimed, storming into Pete's apartment, thankful for the spare key.

Pete didn't answer. He was still curled up on the kitchen floor.

"You broke up with Patrick?! You told him you didn't love him!? Do you know that he showed up on our door step in tears? Do you have any idea how much you've hurt him? And for what? What were you thinking?!" Brendon was yelling. "Breaking up with Patrick isn't going to make your condition any better, or any easier!"

"I know!" Pete exclaimed. "You think I wanted to do that?! You think that wasn't the hardest thing I've ever had to do? I fucking love him Brendon, and I had to convince him I didn't to get him to leave. I am not going to put him in danger. He was in danger by being with me. I don't need him worrying about me all the time either. I did it for his own good."

Brendon sighed. "You know he's heart broken."

Pete also sighed. "I am too."

"You know he won't care if you're sick."

"I know." Pete said. "But he should. And that's why I'm doing this."

Brendon shook his head. "You think you know what's best for everyone. But sometimes I wonder if you even know what's best for yourself." Brendon said, before leaving the apartment.


	4. Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Doc There's a Hole Where Something Was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was originally going to be four chapters, but this chapter was getting wayy to long (Almost 8,000 words) So I had to break it up a bit. So The chapter after this will be the last one, then there's going to be something special after I post the last chapter, so yep. Enjoy.

Part IV

_I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive, now I only waste it dreaming of you.  
Of All The Gin Joints in the World - Fall Out Boy. _

A year passed.

Patrick had moved on. It took him a while, but he did.

Pete, well Pete dropped out of college and was renting an apartment a few blocks from the school. He was living on his own, and worked as a cashier at a local toy store a bit, before his parents made him quit because they were worried the stress might make him sick. They offered to pay his bills.

When Pete first told his parents he was HIV positive, they cried. They begged him to move back home so they could look after him, but he refused. They insisted, so he told them that he had Patrick to take care of him and not to worry, to get them off his case.

Whoops.

Nonetheless, they left it alone, save for the fact that his mother calls him every day to check up on him.

Then when she comes to visit on days off, "Patrick is at class, and he's tired so she shouldn't stay too long."

He felt bad for lying to his mom, but he really didn't want to move back home, and would rather spend all his time alone.

That's another thing.

He hasn't seen anyone since Patrick.

He couldn't really bring himself to.

It wasn't just because he was afraid of infecting others, though that was a huge part of it, but he was still in love with Patrick. He wasn't interested in being with, anyone else. He wasn't even interested in sleeping with anyone else.

He often finds it amusing. How he went from a different person every night, to a monogamous relationship, to celibate.

He'll get himself off with his hand every now and then, but that's about the extent of his love life. Of his social life really. Brendon checks up on him every now and then, but he doesn't see him nearly as often as he used to. Ryan hates his guts more then ever now, so he's been told, but he doesn't care anymore. Patrick probably hates him too.

That's how Pete wants it.

Patrick is better off hating him. He's safer.

Pete thinks about Patrick every day. He imagines a world where he never had HIV. A world where Him and Patrick got married and adopted kids. Or a world where they traveled the world together. Even a world where they started a band together and got married on tour.

He imagines a world where he's happy and healthy.

It's been a year since Patrick stormed out of that apartment.

It's been a year since Pete was happy.

It's been seven months since Pete stopped caring.

It's been six months since Pete stopped taking his pills.

It's been five months since Pete decided he might as well let this disease eat him alive.

He just didn't care anymore.

What did he have left to live for anyway?

~*~

Pete was sitting on his couch watching T.V., when there was a knock at the door. He was expecting either his Mother or Brendon, considering there wasn't ever anyone else that came to see him.

So he was surprised when he opened the door, and found Ryan Ross standing behind it.

"Uh, hi." Pete greeted, confused.

"Do you mind if I come in?" Ryan asked, not sounding the least bit bitter or fake.

"Uh sure." Pete said, stepping aside, allowing him entrance.

Ryan stepped inside and removed his gloves.

"Uh, can I help you with something?" Pete asked, still utterly confused.

"No I just want to talk to you. Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Sure, uh, knock yourself out." Pete said. Ryan sat down and Pete sat in the chair across from him.

Ryan took a deep breath before speaking. "Um, Brendon told me... about your condition. And he told me why you broke up with Patrick."

Pete remained silent, his gaze averted to the floor.

"It's not his fault, he's never been good at lying to me. Don't blame him."

Pete still remained silent.

"I just wanted... I wanted to apologize I guess, and thank you." Ryan said. "As you probably know, Patrick is like a brother to me. I admit, for a long time I hated you, not only because of what happened between us, but because I was afraid you would do the same to Patrick. Then after you broke up, I hated you so much more because you hurt him like I thought you would. But... then Brendon told me what you did... for Patrick... and I see that you've changed. So I want to apologize for being so hard on you. And I want to thank you for looking out for Patrick."

Pete nodded. "Patrick doesn't know does he?"

Ryan shook his head. "No he doesn't. I wasn't planning on telling him either."

Pete nodded. "How long have you known?"

"Uh last week. I'd asked him where he'd been, and he said he was at a friends, then I accused him of cheating, and well yeah. You know. He told me everything." Ryan explained. There was an awkward pause. "So how are you doing?" Ryan asked.

"Alright." Pete lied. "How's Patrick doing?" He asked. He tended to avoid the subject with Brendon, but now he was curious.

"Patrick's doing good." Ryan said. "He's uh... it took him a while to get over what happened, but he's moved on. He has a new boyfriend." Ryan said cautiously.

"Good." Pete said. "I want him to be happy. I'm glad he's moved on." It was true, but at the same time, he got this twisted feeling in his stomach at the thought of Patrick with someone else, but that was just his own selfishness. "What's he like?"

Pete really didn't want to know. He doesn't know why he asked.

"He's nice. His name's Bob. Bob Morris. He's a third year Anthropology major, minoring in music." Ryan explained.

"That's good." Pete said. "He sounds awesome. I want him to be with someone awesome." Pete mumbled, followed by more awkward silence.

"Well, I should be on my way." Ryan said, standing up.

"Thanks." Pete mumbled.

Ryan stopped at the door. "Take care Pete." He said, sincerely.

He left then, leaving Pete alone with his thoughts once more.

~*~

Another month Passed by.

Patrick was doing good.

He was in his last year of college, he had a new boyfriend, and pushed Pete to the back of his mind.

Mostly.

Okay, more like he was doing alright, had just broken up with his new boyfriend, and still kind of missed Pete a little every day, whether he'd admit it or not.

"Hey Patrick." Ryan greeted, walking up to Patrick after class. "Where's Bob?"

"Uh..." Patrick started. "We kind of... broke up."

"What?! Why? When?" Ryan asked. He was disappointed. He liked Bob.

"Last night. We decided it just wasn't working out." Patrick explained.

"Awh man." Ryan said. "Oh well. You'll find someone else."

Patrick shrugged. "Hey I gotta get some stuff at the store. I'll catch ya later, alright?"

"Alright, see you later." Ryan said, walking off to his next class.

~*~

Patrick was standing in the check out line when an unfamiliar voice called his name. He turned to see a short dark haired woman waving and walking towards him. He soon recognized her as Pete's mother. He'd only met her once, way back when him and Pete first got together, and she had taken an immediate liking to him.

"Hey Patrick, I hardly recognized you! It's been so long! You look so different!" She exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.

That's another thing, over the last year, Patrick managed to shed a few pounds, bleach his hair, and lay his sideburns to rest. He had changed a lot, to say the least.

"Hey Mrs. Wentz." He greeted with a friendly smile.

"I was in town so I decided to see how Pete was doing. It's a good thing I decided to show up, considering he's not doing to well." She said. "But you guys are completely out of food. All you had was a few packets of Top Ramen, so I decided to pick up a few things, if you don't mind."

Patrick was confused. "Um... what?" He asked. Did she say 'you guys'?

"You and Pete are out of food." She clarified. "If he's going to stay healthy he needs to eat. I am really glad you're there to take care of him though. It really lifts a huge weight off my shoulders. It seems like every time I drop by, you're at class though, and I never get to see you, so I'm happy to run into you here."

"Oh." Patrick said, coming to a realization. "I think there's a been bit of a misunderstanding here." Patrick explained. Mrs. Wentz looked confused. "Pete... Your son and I aren't living together. Um, we broke up about a year ago actually."

She looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?" She asked. "He told me..." She trailed off. "That little... you mean he's been lying to me?"

Patrick shrugged. "It looks that way. I'm sorry."

"I knew he wasn't doing well. He's probably not taking his pills either." She shook her head. Pills? What kind of pills? "I'm sorry for bothering you." She said.

"Don't worry about it." Patrick said. "But if you don't mind my asking... you mentioned pills, is everything alright?"

"Oh dear..." She said, looking concerned. "You don't know do you?" Patrick Shrugged. "Pete is HIV positive, dear. He's been for, well, for a little over a year now."

Patrick's eyes widened. HIV positive? A year? But that means...

"I can't believe no one told me." Patrick mumbled. Still a bit confused, but now in shock.

"I'm sorry dear." She said, placing a hand on his arm. "He's not living too far from here, if you want to go see him."

He nodded.

He can't believe this. This means that Pete knew he was HIV positive when they broke up. But does that mean...?

Patrick had to see Brendon. He's sure to know more about this.

Patrick can't believe it.

He can't fucking believe it.

Pete's such a fucking idiot.

"I, uh, it was nice seeing you Mrs. Wentz, but I need to be somewhere." He said, dropping his groceries.

"You too dear, take care." She replied. Patrick gave one last nod before dashing out to his car.

He drove to Ryan and Brendon's place in a hurry, dashing up to his apartment upon arriving, and knocking frantically. There was really no need for his hurry, other then the fact that he really, really, wanted to know what the fuck was going on.

Ryan answered the door, looking at bit surprised.

"Hey Patrick...? What's going on?" He asked.

Patrick was still a flustered and out of breath from running. "Ryan... is Brendon here?" He asked.

Ryan shook his head. "No, he uh, went to go run some errands." He said.

"You knew Pete was HIV positive didn't you." Patrick said as more of a statement, rather then a question.

"Uh..." Ryan hesitated. "It's a really long story."

"Ryan. Tell me. Now." Patrick demanded.

Ryan sighed. "Alright, you better come in though. It's a long one."

~*~

Patrick found himself outside of Pete's apartment, so he'd hoped. _13b,_ Ryan had said. He stood outside the door, readying himself. He hadn't seen Pete since he dropped out of school over ago. His emotions were a strange mix of anger, and anxiety. Anger for being lied to by his best friend and his ex-boyfriend, as well as Pete's stupidity, and anxiety because the last time he spoke to Pete it had ended with him punching him in the face.

Patrick leaned against the wall opposite of Pete's door, calming himself.

Before he was ready, the door opened. His breath hitched in his throat, but the person behind the door was Mrs. Wentz. She stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her.

"Hi Patrick." She said. Patrick nodded in response.

"Pete's inside." She sighed. "I'm glad you're here actually. Maybe you can talk some sense into Pete."

"Uh..."

"He wont take his pills. He wont go to the doctor, and I just spent the last ten minutes yelling at him for lying to me. He's in really bad shape."

Patrick felt a wave of sorrow wash over him, but also more frustration.

"I'll talk to him." He mumbled.

"Thank you." She said. "I'll see you around, I suppose." She gave him a week smile before exiting down the hall.

Patrick took a deep breath before knocking. He waited, but there was no response.

He knocked again.

This time there was a short wait before the door opened. Pete stood behind it looking surprised.

Pete was at a loss for words. "Patrick...?" He said. "I... I thought you were my mom, that's why I didn't answer at first. Sorry. Come in." He mumbled.

Patrick walked in, not saying anything, not looking at Pete. Once Pete closed the door, Patrick turned around to face him, arms crossed, lips pursed, a hard look. He was pissed.

"Uh.. Can I get you-"

"No." Patrick cut him off sternly. Pete knew he was in for another yelling session. He really didn't have the energy for two in a row. "Pete, what the fuck is the matter with you?" Patrick spat. Pete almost said " _Everything,_ " but restrained himself.

Pete kept his eyes on the ground.

"Pete, look at me." Patrick demanded in the same sharp tone. Pete obeyed. "Pete, _how_ could you lie to me like that? Do you realize that I spent the last year trying to get over what you said to me? Do you realize how hurt I was? Do you even care?!" Patrick was yelling.

"Of course I care!" Pete shouted back, finding his voice out of nowhere. "Patrick, I wouldn't have lied to you if I didn't care!"

Patrick sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Pete, do you know why I'm pissed?"

Pete didn't answer.

"I'm _pissed_ because for the last year, I was under the impression that I was helplessly in love with some douche bag that picked me up, used me, and threw me away. I'm pissed because I've been miserable for the last year and it's all your fault! I'm pissed because for the last year you've been withering away in this apartment _dying_ because you have an illness! It's not a fucking death sentence unless you make it one! Do you really think that I'd care if you had HIV? Pete, I wouldn't fucking care if your dick fell off. I _loved_ you Pete." He paused. "I still do."

Pete sighed. "I did it for your own good." He mumbled.

"Don't give me that shit." Patrick spat back.

"It's true!" Pete defended. "Patrick, I broke up with you because I was a danger to your health. I wanted you to have a healthy, normal, relationship. Not one where you have to worry about me and take care of me all the time! One where you could have sex, and grow old with your partner..."

"Pete, do you realize how ridiculous you sound right now?"

Pete pursed his lips. Patrick wasn't getting it. Pete didn't have the energy to sit there and be insulted.

Patrick sighed again. "Pete, I don't know how many times I have to say this. Having HIV isn't a death sentence unless you make it one. You could live a perfect healthy life, one with someone you _love_ , who loves you, no matter what, and still have HIV. But instead you chose to sit in this apartment by yourself and not take your pills."

"How did you-"

"I talked to your mom, Pete." Patrick answered. "Pete, if you don't take your pills, you'll get sick, and you could die, do you get that? Why would you do that to yourself?"

"I don't have anything left to live for anyway." Pete mumbled.

Patrick looked at him incredulously.

"Fuck!" He cursed before sitting himself down on the couch with his head in his hands.

Pete remained still and silent, not taking his eyes off of Patrick. He noticed Patrick sniffle. He looked closer and noticed Patrick was crying.

Pete bit down on his lip, knowing he was the reason.

Patrick wiped the tears from his face. Pete was experiencing a strange mix of emotions. He was frustrated that Patrick found out, and wasn't understanding, or at least thanking him for sacrificing so much. He felt like a terrible person for making Patrick cry. He felt an immense amount of love for the boy in front of him, the one he could only dream about for the last year. He felt both a sense of relief and excitement, and a sense of anger that Patrick was there, and he felt sad. He felt sad because Patrick was sad. It was a simple as that.

But then Patrick stood up and was crossing the room. Then he was wrapping his arms around Pete's neck, holding onto him like a lost boy who had found his mother. He was crying still, but clinging onto Pete like this, gave him the sense of relief that he had been searching for over the last year.

Pete clinged back, holding Patrick around the waist, letting a tear or two slip from his closed eyes. He took in Patrick's scent, which was pretty much the same. Pete felt the same sense of relief.

"Pete." Patrick spoke softly. "I love you." He said. "I'm mad at you for pulling a stunt like that. But, I also realize that you must have done it because..." Patrick trailed off.

"Because I loved you." Pete finished. "I was trying to protect you."

"You don't have to protect me. I can look out for myself." Patrick promised. He pulled away, placing his hand on Pete's face. "You look like shit." Patrick said.

Pete laughed, for the first time in a while. "Thanks." He said. He put his hand on top of Patrick's, holding his hand to his face. "You look really good. You've changed a lot."

Patrick shrugged. "Thanks." He said.

Patrick studied Pete's face a little more. He had dark rings around his eyes, and the rest of him looked unhealthily pale. He looked like he hadn't ate or slept in a while, either. But there was something... it was something in the way he looked at Patrick. Something in his gaze or expression that said he was content, and Patrick guesses it was the first time in a while he had been anything but miserable.

Patrick leaned in a little, feeling Pete's breath against his skin. He then closed his eyes and leaned in a little more, pressing his lips to Pete's. He moved his arms so they were back around Pete's neck, and began moving his lips slowly against Pete's. Pete kissed back, again, feeling a sense of relief. The kiss grew deeper, then Pete pulled away.

"I thought you had a boyfriend." He mumbled.

"We broke up." Patrick answered, reattaching their lips.

Pete pulled away again, and Patrick looked confused.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry." Pete said, stepping back.

Patrick looked hurt. "Why not?" He asked.

Pete sighed. "You know why." He mumbled.

Patrick scoffed. "You're not serious."

"Patrick, when will you understand that you're better off without me?" He asked.

"Pete, when will you understand that I tried to be better off without you for the last year, and I couldn't. When will you understand that I'm not going to let you continue to live like this? You love me right?" Patrick responded.

Pete sighed again. "No I don't. You should leave."

"You're lying." Patrick said. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."

Pete kept his eyes on the ground. "Patrick-"

"No." Patrick replied. "Pete, I'm not going to let you live like this anymore. I'm not going to let you kill yourself."

"I..." Pete hesitated, then looked Patrick in the eyes before leaning in to kiss him again.

Patrick smiled.

~*~

"I'm moving in." Patrick had informed Pete. Not asked, informed.

Pete raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to do that." He said.

"Yes I do." Patrick said. "It would be a lot easier than me running back and forth all the time."

Pete sighed. "You don't have to take care of me. Really, you don't."

Patrick sat down next to him on the couch. "Pete... look at you. You're sick. You need to get better before it's too late, and it just so happens it would be easier if you had help. There's no shame in that." Patrick explained, placing his hand on top of Pete's. "I really don't want to loose you again." Patrick was serious. "Do you not want me here?"

"Of course I do." Pete said. "I just..." He trailed off. "Alright" He sighed. "When should we move your stuff down here?"

Patrick smiled, bringing Pete's hand up to his lips.

Pete smiled back.

Patrick moved his hand to Pete's face, pulling it closer so he could attach their lips.

"I've missed you so much." Pete mumbled, pulling away slightly. "You have no idea."

"Yeah well, I missed you too, but at the same time I thought you were a huge douche bag, so..." Patrick trailed off.

Pete laughed. "Yeah... I'm sorry about that. But I wouldn't have been able to get you to leave otherwise."

"Well, I'm sorry for punching you in the face." Patrick apologized.

"I deserved it." Pete said, kissing him again. This time Patrick kissed back deeper, and a little more lustful. He crawled onto Pete's lap, straddling his hips, then shoved his tongue into Pete's mouth, the kiss turning desperate and sloppy. 

It felt really good to say the least, that is until they were interrupted by front door opening, and a surprised "Oh my god."

They broke away to find Brendon standing in the doorway, wide-eyed. Patrick stared back before he crawled off of Pete's lap, wiping his face and sitting next to him with his knees together and his hands in his lap, as if to resemble a child who was just caught in the act, and trying to play innocent. Pete leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"I.. uh..." Brendon started. "I'm sorry, but.... _what?_ "

"Um... we're back together." Patrick mumbled.

"I see that." Brendon stated.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Pete said, giving him a glare that said nothing more than _"You cockblocker..."_

"Well, you gave me a key so I wouldn't have to knock." Brendon said, closing the door and going to stand in front of them with his arms crossed. "Besides, I was expecting to find you here alone and sulking in the dark like usual." Brendon looked at Patrick. "And I really wasn't expecting to see you here." He said, raising his eyebrow.

"Well uh, I thought Ryan might have told you I stopped by..." Patrick said.

Brendon shook his head. "He didn't say anything. Now can you explain what's going on, please?"

Patrick sighed. "Well, uh, I ran into Pete's mom at the store... she thought Pete and I were living together and I was taking care of him, because Pete's a big fat liar. Then she told me... about his condition... and I was freaked out so I went to your guys' place and Ryan told me the whole story. Then uh... I came over here and freaked out and started yelling at him... then we kind of made up."

Brendon raised his eyebrow. "Yeah... I see that." He shrugged. "Well, if you guys are happy. I have to admit, it's nice to see Peterick reunited again." He said with a smirk. Pete raised an eyebrow at the nickname.

"Okay, well, I picked up your prescription." Brendon said, placing a white paper bag on the table. "Patrick, you can make sure he actually take's the damn things." He sighed one more time. "Well I'm going to let you guys get back to uh, your stuff before this gets anymore awkward." Brendon waved goodbye before exiting the apartment.

Pete and Patrick looked at each other before laughing.

~*~

A few months passed. Patrick had officially moved in, and Pete was enjoying the feeling of happiness again.

Except for he was sick.

And Patrick was freaking out.

"Okay, you have an appointment tomorrow morning at ten. I can skip class and take you." Patrick said, placing the phone back on the receiver. He then quickly rushed over to Pete's side, placing his hand on his forehead. "Holy shit, you feel really clammy. Do you need anything? How about some warm chicken broth?" He said standing up and walking towards the kitchen.

"Patrick. I don-"

"Oh, you're not hungry? Are you feeling nauseous? Okay I'll make you some chamomile tea." Patrick said, racing into the kitchen.

"Patrick..."

"Fuck, we're out of chamomile. How about sleepytime? You look like you could use a nap. It might help your stomach. Plus you didn't get much sleep last night."

"Patrick..."

"Oh shit! It's 6:30 you were supposed to take your pills an hour ago!" He exclaimed racing into the kitchen. He reamerged with a handfull of pills and a glass of water. "Here." He said, handing them to Pete.

"Thank-"

"Oh the tea water's ready." Patrick said, heading back into the kitchen to turn off the kettle.

"Patrick!" Pete exclaimed. That boy was not listening.

"Hold on a sec!" He called from the kitchen.

Pete swallowed his pills as he waited for Patrick to reappear. He then sighed and placed the glass of water on the coffee table.

"Here's your tea." Patrick said, carrying it over to Pete and setting it next to the glass of water.

Pete sighed. "Thanks."

"No problem." Patrick said, sitting next to Pete on the couch.

"Honey I-"

"Oh I forgot honey! I forgot you don't like straight tea." He exclaimed, racing back into the kitchen. Pete sighed, and returned with a jar of honey, and added a spoonfull to the tea.

"Patrick-"

"Oh crap I forgot about your chicken broth!" He exclaimed, jumping up again.

"Patrick!" Pete nearly groaned.

"Oh that's right you said you were nauseous." 

"Patrick I'm not nauseous!" Pete exclaimed, finally getting Patrick's attention.

Patrick looked at him. "Then why did you tell me you were?"

Pete sighed. "Patrick, put down the honey and come here." Pete said, patting the space on the couch next to him. Patrick did as instructed, and Pete pulled him into his arms, resting his head on top of Patrick's. "Patrick, I know you're worried, and I really appreciate everything you're doing for me, but sweetie, you're over doing it." Pete said, smiling lightly.

Patrick sighed. "I'm sorry. I just wanted make sure you were comfortable, and I just really want you to get better."

Pete placed a kiss on top of his head. "I'm comfortable now."

A comfortable silence filled the air.

"Pete." Patrick mumbled.

Pete hummed in response.

"I'm scared." Patrick mumbled, snuggling closer.

"Me too." Pete said. "I'm not going to lie. Everything will be alright though, okay? I've been taking my pills, and I feel better already."

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you for good." Patrick mumbled, again.

Pete bit back a tear. "I'll tell you what you'd do." Pete started. "You would move on, and live a happy life. You'd find another partner, someone who you can be happy with, and have a family with. You'd live a happy life, and you'd know that I'd be watching over you, loving you no matter what."

"I don't think I could be with anyone else, Pete." Patrick said, his voice was almost a whisper.

"Sure you could. You'd get over me eventually. Maybe you could meet up with that ginger anthropology major again. Maybe you'll find someone exactly like me, only he doesn't do stupid shit that get's him into situations like this." Pete went on.

Patrick sighed and lifted his head so he could look Pete in the eyes. "I don't want to think about you dying." He said. Can we talk about something else?"

Pete chuckled, it being forced. "Sure, what do you want to talk about?" 

Patrick didn't say anything. Instead, he leaned forward kissing Pete. He repositioned himself so he was straddeling Pete's lap, then grabbed his face and crushed their lips together again. Pete kissed back, holding onto Patrick's hips, then pushing his hands up Patrick's shirt, feeling the small of his back, then moving to his front, feeling up his stomach, to his chest. Patrick mimicked his gestures, his hands moving from Pete's face, down his chest, then under his shirt, rememorizing the planes of his chest and his muscles, which were considerally smaller now.

Patrick wiped that thought from his mind.

Patrick pulled away momentarily, pulling off his shirt and throwing it to the floor before his lip's found Pete's again.

"Patrick wait." Pete mumbled under the kiss.

Patrick pulled back, looking confused for a second, before a look of realization washed over his face. "Oh shit. I forgot you weren't feeling well. We don't have to if you're not up to-"

"No, I'm fine." Pete said. "But are _you_ sure you want to do this?" Pete asked. They had been putting off sex for a while now, Pete was honestly scared. His worst fear was that he might infect Patrick. So he kept avoiding the subject, since Patrick was not going to listen. "I mean, it's dangerous-"

"Pete, I'm sure. Don't worry about me, alright? We'll be careful." Patrick assured him. "I want this." He said.

Pete nodded. He couldn't ever deny Patrick anything he wanted.

Patrick caressed his face, then lifted Pete's chin so he would meet his eyes. "I love you." Patrick said.

Pete smiled. "I love you too."

~*~

Pete and Patrick sat in the small steril room, waiting for the doctor to get back with Pete's blood test.

Basically, things could either be really good, or really bad. Both of the boys were nervous as hell.

Finally the doctor walked in, carrying a clipboard, not looking at either of them. Pete grabbed Patrick's hand.

"What are the results?" Patrick blurted out.

The doctor looked at them, expression blank.

Again, it could be either good or bad, and Patrick felt like he was going to fucking explode from the tension.

"Mister Wentz..." The doctor started. Both Pete and Patrick clenched their jaw's. "It seems that since your last visit, which was about a month ago, your T-cell count has significantly lowered."

Pete furrowed his brow. "How much?" He asked.

"Enough." The doctor said. "I'm sorry Mister Wentz, but it seems that you had an infection, and well, the virus took advantage of that. Your HIV turned to AIDS. Normally that would mean that you just really need to watch your health, and we would give you an increase in T-cell shots to help fight it off."

"Normally...?" Pete equestioned.

The doctor sighed. "The infection." The doctor said. "You said you've been sick for a while, and you said it's been getting worse if anything, right?"

Pete nodded.

"Well, you had the flue, and the virus took advantage of that. Basically, it's interfering with your bodies ability to fight of the infection." The doctor explained.

"So... He's just going to keep getting sicker? There's absolutely _nothing_ we can do?" Patrick asked, holding a death grip on Pete's hand.

"We can give him more T-cell shots, and hope it works. But if it doesnt, and he gets worse, bring him to the hospital as soon as possible." The Doctor said.

"Okay, we'll do that." Patrick said. "There's really nothing more that can be done?" He tried once more.

"It's out of our hands now." The doctor said.

~*~

The ride home was silent.

Neither of the boy's knew what to say, yet both were terrified.

Once they arrived, they got out of the car, and walked up to the apartment in silence.

They walked inside. Pete went into the bedroom, Patrick stayed in the livingroom, and sat on the couch.

 _There was still a chance._ Patrick thought. They gave him T-cell shots. There was still a chance he could overcome this. There was a chance that his body could come through and fight off the infection. Pete wasn't going to die. He couldn't die. He couldn't. The world wasn't that cruel.

Pete was going to be fine. He was just sick. _Pete's strong._ Patrick thought. _He wont let this get to him. He wont leave me._

Patrick got up and went into the bedroom. Pete was curled up on their bed.

Patrick laid down next to Pete, spooning him from behind. Still niether one said a word. Patrick heard a sniffle, and looked to see that Pete was crying. It was the first time Patrick had ever seen it. But considering the circumstances, it seemed approptiate.

Pete turned to face Patrick, glancing at him with red puffy eyes.

Patrick wiped away his tears before kissing him on the forehead, and wrapping his arms around him, pulling him into his chest.

Pete cried.

Patrick shed a few tears as well, but he didn't let Pete see. He had to stay strong for Pete.

The boy's ended up falling asleep holding each other. They slept well, surprisingly. Soundly and dreamlessly.

~*~

"Pete, you can make it through this." Patrick said. It was morning, and they were both still laying as they had fallen asleep. It was the first either of them had spoke since the doctors office. "You can fight this off, I know you can." He almost added, _And you can't leave me._ But this isn't about Patrick. It's about Pete, and his health.

Pete didn't say anything.

"You're strong." Patrick said.

Pete still said nothing.

"Let me up." Patrick said, pushing Pete off slightly. "I'm going to make breakfast. What do you want?"

"I'm not hungry." Pete mumbled, barely audible.

"Pete, you're going to eat something if I have to tie you up and shove it down your throat. Now what would you like shoved down your throat?" Patrick said, standing with arms crossed.

Pete was silent for a moment before answering.

"Pancakes." he said.

~*~

The day's passed.

Pete didn't get any better.

He spent most of his time in bed. He felt like shit physically, and emotionally. He could hardly keep anything down, he had terribe headaches, and the most he could do was sleep all day. But every couple hours Patrick would be in there, forcing him to drink something, to keep him from being dehydrated.

Patrick was waiting on him hand and foot as a way to destract himself from what might be a possibility.

Brendon and Ryan would stop by almost every day to check up on him. (Patrick knew they were coming to check on him too, but he didn't say anything.) They offered to take care of Pete while Patrick was at class, but then he informed them that he had dropped his classes, and was fine on his own. It was a good distraction.

But one day, Pete decided he really needed to stretch his legs, (and there was something he really wanted to give Patrick.) So he got up slowly, feeling the blood rush to his head. It made him dizzy. But he got up nonetheless, grabbed his dishes from earlier, and walked into the kitchen. Patrick was there doing the dishes. He smiled, amused by how much Patrick looked like a little housewife. He only wished Patrick was wearing an apron and rubber gloves to complete the moment.

He set the plate and the cup down next to Patrick, who looked up at him.

"What are you doing out of bed?" He asked.

"I just needed to stretch my legs." Pete said, placing his arm around Patrick.

"You should get back in bed." Patrick said. "You don't look so good."

"What else is new?" Pete said. By this point Patrick was supporting the majority of his weight.

"Pete, you can hardly stand. You should get back in bed before you hurt yourself." Patrick said, wrapping his arm around Pete's waist so he culd support him more.

Then suddenly Pete let go of Patrick. He stood infront of him, looking dazed.

"Pete, are you alright?" Patrick asked. Pete looked at him, before going slightly crosseyed and collapsing to the floor.

"Oh my god! Pete!" Patrick exclaimed, trying to catch him, but failing. Patrick pulled Pete's head into his lap, gently patting his face, attemping to bring him to. "Pete, Pete, come on..." He begged. He pulled out his phone and dialed 911.

~*~

Patrick sat by Pete's bedside for hours.

When they got to the hospital, Pete woke up momentarily, but was shot with medication that made him sleepy again. When Patrick asked the doctor what was wrong, why he had collapsed, he was told that Pete was weak. Very weak. He was dehydrated, and his body was shutting down.

"The infection is really getting to him." The doctor said. "His condition is a lot worse than when we saw him last."

Patrick didn't respond. He just kept his gaze on the floor.

"We have him on antibiotics right now, he should be waking up in a little bit."

Patrick nodded, and mumbled a "Thank you."

"No problem." The doctor said. He hesitated before exiting, then placed a hand on Patrick's shoulder. "I'm sorry." He mumbled before leaving.

Patrick took Pete's hand in his own, then began to cry.

"You can make it through this." He whispered. "Pete, don't leave me please."

~*~

Another hour or so went by, then Pete finally came to. Patrick still hadn't moved.

"Patrick?" He groaned, voice groggy.

Patrick's eyes immedietly snapped to his at the sound of his voice. "Pete, oh thank god, you're awake."

"What happened?" He asked, though it was barely audible.

"You passed out." Patrick said. "They said you were weak and dehydrated and just... oh my God I was so worried you weren't going to..." he trailed off.

Pete forced a smile. "It's okay. I'm awake now." He said, gently rubbing the side of Patrick's hand with his thumb.

Patrick nodded.

There was silence as Pete came to a bit more.

"How long have I been out?" He asked.

"A couple hours." Patrick said.

Pete looked down at his gown. "Where's my hoodie?" He asked.

"I have it in my bag." Patrick said. "Do you want it?"

"Could you get the little box that's in the pocket and hand it to me?" Pete asked.

Patrick did as asked, pulling out a small square white box. It looked like the kind of box gifted jewelry came in. Patrick was slightly confused as he handed it to the older boy. 

Pete slowly reached his arm out and took it, before opening it and pulling out a ring.

"This isn't how I wanted to do this." He said. "But it might be my only chance." He took a deep breath before continuing. Patrick sat there wide eyed. "Patrick, I love you more than anything else on this earth. I swear it. You're the only thing that makes me happy anymore, and if I get out of here alive, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" Pete held out the ring. Patrick bit back tears, and took the ring and slide it onto his finger. He looked at the ring, then grabbed Pete's hand and held it to his face as he cried. He cried and kissed Pete's hand. "And, even if... if I don't make it out of here... then I want you to keep it... keep it as something to remember me by. Keep it so that if you're ever feeling down, or sad, you can look at it and know that I loved you. I always will, no matter what happens to me. I love you, Patrick."

"Yes I will marry you." He said. "I will. I love you so much." _Why did you have to say that "If?" There can't be an "If." You have to make it out of here Pete._ Patrick almost said it, but he didn't want to ruin the moment.

Pete smiled and turned his hand so he was caressing Patrick's face. "Don't cry." He whispered. "I can tell they're not happy tears. I don't want you to be sad." Pete said.

"I'm sorry." Patrick whispered.

"It's alright." Pete said. His voice was getting increasingly groggy. "Come lay next to me." He said, using all the strength he had to slide over.

Patrick would have rather Pete stay where he was, and use as little energy as possible, but he did as Pete asked him to. He crawled into the small space between Pete and the bars on the side of the bed, laying on this side with his head and hand resting on Pete's chest. 

They laid there in silence for what could have been minutes or hours, they weren't keeping track. Patrick just closed his eyes and listened to Pete's breathing. He was hoping Pete would fall back asleep, maybe get some rest, then wake up strong and healthy and walk out of the hospital. Patrick knew it was unrealistic, but he had to have hope. It was the only thing keeping him strong.

Pete didn't fall asleep though. Patrick could tell by his uneven breathing.

"Patrick?" Pete mumbled.

"Hmm?" Patrick hummed in response.

"I need you to promise me something."

"Anything." Patrick said.

"No matter what happens to me... I want you to promise that you won't do anything stupid." Pete said, tone completely serious.

Patrick knew what he meant. He wasn't sure if he could make that promise. 

"Pete..." He hesitated, not sure if he should be honest or tell Pete what he wantes to hear. "I... don't know if I can make that promise."

"Patrick, promise me." Pete demanded.

"I don't want to live with out you." Patrick mumbled. It sounded cliche and dramatic, but it was true. I wasn't sure if he could.

"Patrick you have to, if not for yourself, do it for me. I need you to move on with your life and find happiness. No matter what happens, I'll always be with you. Even if you can't see or hear me, I'll be there. And I'm going to be really pissed off if you go and do something stupid."

Patrick sighed.

"Okay." He said.

Pete kissed him on the head and mumbled a "Thank you." Before they fell back into silence.


	5. Take This to Your Grave, I'll Take it to Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, so last chapter, it's a bit short, so it's kind of more epilogue-ish but not really. I kind of hate this chapter, but you know, enough with the self cynicism.

Part V

 

Patrick was woken up by people shouting.

"Excuse me sir, you're going to have to move." A woman, said shaking Patrick awake. He quickly came to, jumping up and off the bed.

"What's going on?" He asked, wide-eyed, taking in the four doctors in the room that were suddenly crowded around Pete.

He didn't get an answer.

"Sir, I'm going to need you to leave." One of the doctors said, pushing aside lightly so he could get through.

"What's-- What going on?!" Patrick shouted, not about to leave until he got an answer.

"Sir, come with me please." Another woman said, guiding him out of the room. Patrick hesitated, glancing at Pete, but not being able to see him through the wall of doctors. His heart was in his stomach, but he followed the woman out nonetheless.

"What's going on?" He asked again once they were in the hallway.

"He's flat lined." The doctor said.

Patrick's heart sank deeper, if possible.

"I... What..." Patrick couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"His heart just gave out." The doctor said, voice sympathetic.

"Can they...?" Patrick trailed off. His brain was incapable of forming correct sentences.

"They're trying." She said. "The doctors are going to use the defibrillators to try and bring him back, but it might not work. Even if it does... There's no telling what his condition will be."

Patrick was breathing hard. "They have to bring him back." He said, sounding exasperated. "He can't... No he can't..." Patrick was on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry." She said. "They're doing all they can."

Patrick just shook his head. He couldn't speak. He couldn't think.

"If you like you can move to the waiting room, and we'll notify you when we know more." She said.

Patrick shook his head again. "No. I'm going to wait here." He said, leaning against the wall and sliding down so he was seated on the floor outside the hospital room door.

"Alright." She said, before walking away.

Patrick rested his head on his knees, not quite letting the tears fall. He couldn't yet. He was too filled with worry. His heart was beating what felt like a hundred beats per second, and he was having trouble keeping his breathing steady.

 _Pete you mother fucker, you better make it through this._ Patrick thought.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but it felt like hours.

Eventually, the door opened, and three of the doctors walked out. Patrick's head snapped up, but none of them acknowledged him. Patrick got up off the floor just as the female doctor walked out.

"How is he?" Patrick asked, heart beating nearly a million times a second.

The doctor hesitated as she removed her gloves. "I'm sorry." She said. "We couldn't bring him back."

Patrick was frozen.

He felt as if his heart was on the floor, and had been stomped on repeatedly.

"I'm sorry. We did all we could." She said when Patrick had failed to speak. "You can see him for a little bit before they take him to the morgue, you know, say your goodbyes and such." Then she walked away, leaving Patrick, his head a mess, his heart in pieces, and trembling so hard he thought there might be an earthquake.

~*~

Patrick walked in slowly, keeping his eyes on the floor until he gathered the courage to move them to Pete's lifeless body.

There it was, still, cold, and lacking any of the glow it once had.

He walked over to the bed, taking Pete's hand in his. It was still warm.

This is when Patrick let the tears fall. He held Pete's hand to his face as he cried.

"I told you not to leave me, you asshole." He mumbled. "But you've never listened to me, have you?"

He caressed Pete's face. "I love you so much." He whispered. "I always will."

He took this time to note that the ring on Pete's finger was identical to the one on his.

"I really wanted to marry you." Patrick said. "I already had it all planned out in my head. We were going to fly to California and have a beach wedding. You said you've always wanted to visit California. Then you were going to do something stupid like, show up at the alter without a shirt on, or recite lines from Top Gun as your vows, just to shock people, or make them laugh. You always liked that kind of attention. I would have pretended to be mortified, but really, that was just one of the things I loved about you. It would have been the happiest day of my life, and I would have gotten to share it with you." Patrick let silence fill the air again, and he suddenly noticed that the room had a much darker, emptier feel to it, though it's not as if any lights were turned off. But then, and he wasn't sure if he imagined it or not, but he was almost certain he felt a kind of warm breeze across the back of his neck.

He exhaled and shook his head.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Pete." He mumbled. "But I'll keep my promise."

~*~

Patrick, Brendon, Ryan, and Pete's family stood around as they lowered the casket into the ground. Pete's siblings and his father were crying, and his mother was sobbing. Brendon, and even Ryan teared up.

Patrick was drained of any emotions.

He hadn't slept since the night Pete died; his nights were spent crying alone in his and Pete's bed.

But today, he couldn't bring himself to shed a tear. He thought he might be out of them. That or he was too emotionally tired.

The pastor gave the closing words, then there was silence as people began to turn their backs, and walk away.

"Patrick." A female voice had materialized beside him. He was still staring at the hole in the ground.

"Yeah?" He mumbled, almost inaudibly.

Then he was being pulled into a hug. It was Mrs. Wentz, hugging him so tightly, it's as if she was looking for a piece of her son. "Thank you." She whispered.

"For what?" He asked, pulling away slightly. "I couldn't save him."

"There was nothing you could have done." She said. "But you were with him up to the very end. That, and you tried. When I would talk to him on the phone, he would tell me about how hard to worked to try and keep him healthy and happy. You were selfless. You loved him and stayed with his despite his condition. You were there with him at the hospital, and judging by the ring on your finger, something tells me that when he passed, he was a happy man. You made the last months of his life happy, and I will be forever grateful for that." She pulled him in for another hug. "I would have loved to have you as my son-in-law, and just because Pete's gone, doesn't mean your not welcome for dinner at our house anytime. We'd love for you to visit." She gave him a kiss on the cheek before letting him go, and going to join her family.

Patrick exhaled, his eyes returning to the casket.

"Patrick, are you ready to go?" Ryan asked, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. Patrick nodded. "Brendon thought it would be a good idea if you came with us, and spent the night at our place tonight. You can leave your car here and pick it up tomorrow."

"Thank you." Patrick said. "But I think I'm going to go home."

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked. 

"Yeah." He said. "I'm going to try and get some sleep."

Ryan nodded. "Alright. Call us if you need anything." Ryan said. Patrick nodded, then he was gone.

Patrick gave the casket one last glance before heading towards his car. He got in, and sat unmoving for a good fifteen minutes. He thought about life. He thought about Pete. He thought about how angry he was. He thought about how sad he was. He thought about the promise he made. He though about the weather, and how the cloud cover created this almost ominous feeling that Pete would have enjoyed. He thought about Pete's mom, and his family. He thought about how he didn't want to go home, but he didn't want to spend the night with Ryan and Brendon either. He thought about what he was going to do with his life now, since the last four or five months, his life was taking care of Pete. He thought about maybe going back to school. He thought about how it was getting late, and he should probably decide where he was going.

But he couldn't.

So he just drove.

He drove, and he listened to music, but he couldn't concentrate on it.

So he thought some more.

He thought, and he drove, but he didn't know where he was going.

Soon he was out of Chicago, and he found himself in the middle nowhere.

It started raining, hard.

It was dark now, it was raining, and the fog had started to roll in.

Patrick wasn't paying attention to anything but his thoughts.

He was speeding. He didn't see the stop sign. He drove through the intersection at the same time as a huge semi-truck. The collision sent his car spiraling off the freeway and into a ravine. He remembers blacking out, but then he's standing on the side of the freeway.

He's watching the man get out of his truck and dial 911. He watches as the ambulance and the cop cars show up. He watches as they climb down into the ravine with flashlights inspecting the totaled car. He watches as they pull his body out through the broken window, and he watches as they try and fail to bring him back. He watches as they cover his body, gather his contact information, and load him into the ambulance.

Then suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder.

"I told you not to do anything stupid." A voice said, one he recognized immediately.

"I didn't mean to." Patrick said. "Not consciously, at least. I was going to keep my promise."

"You should have gone with Brendon and Ryan." The voice said.

"I know, I should have." Patrick agreed. "I'm sorry." He said. "I'm so, so, sorry." His voice was quieter.

Pete hushed him, and pulled him into his his arms. "It's okay." He whispered.

Patrick looked up and took in Pete's face. He was smiling, and he was glowing. Not just glowing though, it was as if the glow that was missing from the body in the hospital room was here in concentrate. It was Pete, but pure, almost.

Patrick touched Pete's face. It felt exactly the same. Patrick felt relief.

"I missed you so much." Patrick whispered.

"I was with you this whole time, you know. You couldn't see or hear me, but I was there." Pete said.

"I love you." Patrick mumbled.

"I love you too." Pete whispered back. "I always will."

~*~

When the news of Patrick's death hit town, there was shock, sadness, and controversy.

People debated over whether or not it was a suicide, and Pete and Patrick became the talk of the town. They became a romantic love story, or a tragic one at least.

"I still can't believe it." Ryan mumbled to Brendon as they stood in the graveyard, by Pete and Patrick's tombstones. "I can't believe it's been a whole fucking year."

Brendon wrapped a supportive arm around his boyfriend. "At least they're together now." Brendon said. "They're probably up there turning heaven into an x-rated fun house."

"I still can't believe Patrick would kill himself though." Ryan mumbled.

"I don't think he did. At least not on purpose." Brendon said. "It probably actually was an accident. I believe that's what they call 'fate.'"

"If only we would have made him come with us that night. He would still be here."

"Everything happens for a reason." Brendon said. "Besides, you never know, he could be here right now, chewing you out for thinking he would actually kill himself on purpose."

"You know I don't believe in ghosts, Brendon." Ryan said with a sigh.

Brendon rolled his eyes. "One day, Ross. You'll see life isn't as cynical and depressing as you make it out to be."

"Ow!" Ryan exclaimed, rubbing his ear. "Did you just pinch me?"

Brendon raised an eyebrow. "No..."

"The fuck, that hurt..." He said, rubbing his ear.

"That's for being a stubborn dumb-ass." Patrick said, arms crossed, standing next to Ryan. "You need to listen to Brendon for once, man."

"He can't hear you." Pete said.

Patrick sighed. "I know, but it needed to be said." 

Pete laughed. "You're not allowed to lecture people on listening to their boyfriends."

"Shut up." Patrick said. "I told you--"

"I know." Pete interrupted him, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind and kissing his neck.

"Do you think Ryan will ever come around?" Patrick asked.

"Well he's going to write a book about you, which is going to get published and make millions. Brendon's going to propose to him and he's going to say yes. They're going to adopt a kid in a few years. So things are looking up for him. And if he starts being a dumb-ass, then you can always be there to pinch his ear or something."

Patrick laughed. "Yeah, okay."

"Hey Brendon, did you hear that?" Ryan asked.

"Hear what?"

"It sounded like... Never mind." He trailed off. "I'm hungry. We should go."

Brendon chuckled. "Alright sweetie. Our reservations are in about fifteen minutes anyway."

"You still haven't told me what the occasion is." Ryan stated.

Brendon shrugged. "I just wanted to take you out for a nice dinner is all." Brendon said, lacing their fingers together, fingering the little velvet box in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a bit of a twist there, I hope you don't all hate me for killing them, but if you do, I understand. So [Here's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/455652) an alternate ending kind of thing, where Pete finds out he _doesn't_ have HIV and this happens instead, and Ryan still hates Pete for some reason, I don't remember because I wrote it a long time ago, heh.
> 
> Also, here's a [Playlist](http://archiveofourown.org/works/455679) that I made for the story yee


End file.
